Valentina Sartore, Author at TRC | London | Midlands | Edinburgh | Riyadh

Boredom & Mental Health: Why Unstructured Time is Both Good & Challenging

Valentina Sartore — Mon, 28 Jul 2025 14:12:41 +0000

It is safe to say that our lives have become very structured, from calendars and routines being filled quickly with work, school or life demands, to ‘downtime’ being scheduled and feeling like another chore. We often force ourselves to constantly be productive, and are encouraged to turn hobbies into money-making activities. We also tolerate silence and boredom less – filling gaps with music, podcasts, scrolling on social media, to the point where we are constantly multi-tasking, placing extra demands on our brains. In short, it seems that we might be struggling to tolerate boredom.

Boredom is often viewed as an unpleasant state of being. Some research supports an impact of boredom on mental health, for instance by suggesting a correlation between long-term or frequent boredom with risk-taking behaviours, substance use, and low mood (Ndetei et al., 2023). When working with young clients in particular, we often have discussions around using time mindfully, for instance planning activities they enjoy, engaging with their social circles, using meaningful distraction as a coping strategy to re-direct their attention from confronting internal experiences (unpleasant feelings, overthinking, rumination) when they become spiralling cycles.

Wanting to escape these spirals, feeling the pressure to always be productive, or finding it challenging to ‘sit in silence’, are all reasons why someone might go to great lengths to escape boredom.

However, it is worth remembering that unstructured time can be beneficial for our mental health, especially in a life that feels constantly busy and often overwhelmingly demanding.

Firstly, unstructured time that is free of demands or to-do lists disguised as self-care, is a crucial time for our brains and bodies to rest. When we are constantly multitasking and scheduling things and activities to the minute, downtime becomes another time in which we feel the pressure to be productive or to always be “doing”.

Unstructured time can be especially important for neurodivergent individuals who might find it extra difficult to manage busy and structured day-to-day lives. Having some time each day that is truly free of demands, even subtle ones, can be deeply regulating. Without the pressure to “perform” or meet expectations, they may find more space to follow their own rhythms, tune in to what they need, and engage with the world in ways that feel natural and safe. This kind of demand-free time isn’t lazy or unproductive – it’s a vital form of decompression.

Research from the Covid-19 pandemic in particular, also supports a positive role of boredom in encouraging people to engage their creativity, seek new activities and explore new ideas and perspectives.

Furthermore, reframing our beliefs about boredom might impact how it is experienced; specifically, a recent study (Tam et al., 2022) explored the effect of boredom beliefs on the boredom-mental wellbeing link in young people and found that those who most severely disliked the feeling of boredom, actually experienced it more frequently and intensely, with a stronger association to poorer mental wellbeing. On the other hand, those who relatively accepted and normalised boredom, reported better mental wellbeing.

It is also worth noting that we often talk about avoidance as a coping strategy that, whilst helpful in the short-term to deal with difficult feelings and thoughts, it is actually quite detrimental in the long-term as it doesn’t allow us to process these experiences. Sometimes, boredom can allow us to sit with these difficult feelings, so we can learn to tolerate them and build up resilience to handle discomfort – a key skill for better mental health and wellbeing.

Overall, it is worth keeping in mind that boredom is not all good or all bad, and whilst consistently feeling bored might be a sign that something in the way we experience life might need to be changed, boredom can also be reframed as a positive, helpful state of being that allows us to rest, recharge, or engage with something different than our usual day-to-day.

Author: Valentina Sartore

Psychotherapist

The post Boredom & Mental Health: Why Unstructured Time is Both Good & Challenging appeared first on TRC | London | Midlands | Edinburgh | Riyadh.

Understanding Autism in Girls: Why It’s Often Missed

Valentina Sartore — Wed, 02 Apr 2025 16:41:28 +0000

The recent increase in conversations around autism and Autistic Spectrum Disorder (ASD) has been shining a light on misconceptions and stigma around ASD which have existed in society historically.

This post focuses particularly on the issue of a gender bias in ASD conceptualisation, diagnosis and research, which for many years has led to the experiences of autistic girls and women being misunderstood and overlooked.

In the past, autism has been primarily associated with boys and men. Traditional diagnostic criteria and research have largely been based on male presentations of autism, leading to a significant gap in understanding how autism presents in girls and women. This has, in turn, led to the belief that autism is more common in boys/men than girls/women (with a suggested ratio ranging from 4:1 to 7:1).

However, recent studies are suggesting that the true ratio of autistic males to females is actually a lot lower than previously thought (3:1, or even 2:1), and that autistic girls may experience symptoms just as intensely as autistic boys.

One key reason this is missed, is the concept of the “female autism phenotype.” This theory suggests that autistic girls often display traits and behaviours that differ from the stereotypical (male-based) understanding of autism. This leads to autism not being picked up in girls by those around them, such as parents and teachers; it also means that, because diagnostic tools were developed primarily from studies on boys, ASD assessments might fail to accurately capture the ways autism presents in girls.

According to research around the female autism phenotype, some reasons why autism in girls might be missed are the following:

1. Masking and Camouflaging

Autistic girls may be more socially motivated and aware of social norms than autistic boys. They may consciously or unconsciously “mask” their autistic traits—adopting behaviours that help them “fit in” socially, such as forcing eye contact, or mimicking social behaviours. While this helps them navigate social situations, it can be mentally exhausting and may lead to issues such as anxiety, depression, and autistic burnout.

Of course, autistic boys and men mask/camouflage too; however, as girls and women (autistic or not) are typically held to higher social communication standards (e.g., girls may be expected to naturally be quieter, empathetic, less “boisterous”), it makes sense that autistic girls may go to greater efforts to match these societal expectations, and mask any traits that may differ from what society expects of them.

2. Different Social and Behavioural Traits

Autistic girls may display stronger social motivation, and they might be better at forming traditional friendships compared to autistic boys. While autistic boys may show visible social difficulties, girls often develop coping strategies that allow them to blend in. However, this doesn’t mean they don’t face challenges—many autistic girls experience intense social anxiety and emotional exhaustion from “keeping up their social personas”.

Another reason girls may not be flagged for autism is their interests. While autistic boys might develop highly specific interests that seem unusual for their age (e.g., train schedules or mechanics), autistic girls may focus intensely on topics that align with their peers’ interests, such as animals, books, or celebrities. This can make their restricted interests less noticeable to parents and teachers.

3. Internalising vs. Externalising Behaviours

While autistic boys are more likely to show externalising behaviours such as hyperactivity or conduct problems, autistic girls may be more prone to internalising their difficulties (similarly to non-autistic girls). This can lead to autism being missed in girls, as internalising behaviours are not as easily observable from the outside.

4. Bias in Diagnosis and Research

Many standardised autism assessments (used to diagnose ASD, but also to include/exclude participants from ASD research) are based on male-centred criteria, meaning they may fail to capture how autism presents in girls. Additionally, clinicians may hold unconscious biases that influence their ability to recognise autism in female patients. All of this, again, might lead to delayed, missed, or absence of ASD diagnosis.

When autism goes undiagnosed in girls, the effects can be profound. Many undiagnosed autistic women report feeling as though something is “wrong” with them, without understanding why they struggle in certain areas. This may lead to autistic burnout, higher rates of mental health problems such as anxiety, depression and eating disorders, and even self-harm and suicidality.

In recent years, an increasing number of research studies have been focusing on gaining more understanding of the female autism phenotype. Hopefully, this can lead to greater awareness of how autism presents in girls and women, and how this might be different from how it shows up in boys and men. This is really important for improving diagnosis rates and ensuring all autistic individuals receive the support they need. By broadening our understanding and adapting diagnostic criteria to be more inclusive of female presentations, we can help more autistic girls and women gain clarity, validation in their experiences, and the resources they need to thrive.

References

Bargiela, S., Steward, R., & Mandy, W. (2016). The Experiences of Late-diagnosed Women with Autism Spectrum Conditions: An Investigation of the Female Autism Phenotype. Journal of autism and developmental disorders, 46(10), 3281–3294. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10803-016-2872-8

D’Mello, A. M., Frosch, I. R., Li, C. E., Cardinaux, A. L., & Gabrieli, J. D. E. (2022). Exclusion of females in autism research: Empirical evidence for a “leaky” recruitment-to-research pipeline. Autism research : official journal of the International Society for Autism Research, 15(10), 1929–1940. https://doi.org/10.1002/aur.2795

Autism.org – Women in Autism – https://autism.org/women-in-autism/#gender-bias

Author: Valentina Sartore

Psychotherapist

The post Understanding Autism in Girls: Why It’s Often Missed appeared first on TRC | London | Midlands | Edinburgh | Riyadh.

Sleep Hygiene and Mental Health

Valentina Sartore — Wed, 04 Sep 2024 15:30:22 +0000

When it comes to maintaining our mental health and overall well-being, sleep is one crucial aspect that may often be overlooked. We have all experienced that “not so fresh” feeling after one bad night’s sleep – however, we often disregard the role that consistently poor sleep can play in affecting our well-being long term, both physically and mentally.

Sleep is not just a time for our bodies to rest; it’s a critical period for our brains to recharge and process the day’s events. Poor sleep can exacerbate stress, anxiety, and depression, while good sleep can enhance our ability to cope with challenges, regulate emotions, and maintain a positive outlook. Yet, many of us struggle with sleep issues, whether it’s difficulty falling asleep, staying asleep, or waking up feeling groggy and not rested. Understanding the importance of sleep hygiene can be a powerful tool in improving our mental health.

How Sleep Affects Mental Health

The relationship between sleep and mental health is well-documented, and studies suggest that the relationship goes in both directions; this means that mental health difficulties can lead to poor sleep, and that sleep problems can contribute to the onset, occurrence, and maintenance of mental health difficulties.

One underlying mechanism for this could be the disruption of emotion regulation, when we lack quality sleep. Research suggests that poor sleep can lead to finding it harder to manage our emotions effectively, and to adapt our physical and emotional responses to day to day situations as well as our cognitive appraisal of these situations (the way we think about them). It can also mean we are more sensitive to experiencing mood swings and negative mood, with impaired ability to self-regulate.

These studies stress the importance of paying attention to our sleep when we are looking to improve, or maintain, our mental health and well-being. Luckily, there are some practical changes we can make that can have a positive impact on sleep quantity and quality.

Practical Tips for Improving Sleep Hygiene

Improving sleep hygiene is about creating an environment and a routine that promote good quality sleep. Here are some practical tips to try:

Establish a Consistent Sleep Schedule: Going to bed and waking up at the same time every day, even on weekends, helps regulate your body’s internal clock. This consistency can make it easier to fall asleep and wake up naturally. It is also crucial to understand that we don’t all need the same amount of sleep; for instance, teenagers need more sleep than adults!

Create a Relaxing Bedtime Routine: Engage in calming activities before bed, such as reading, taking a warm bath, or practicing deep breathing exercises. These activities can signal to your body that it’s time to wind down and prepare for sleep.

Limit Exposure to Screens Before Bed: The blue light emitted by phones, tablets, and computers can interfere with the production of melatonin, the hormone that regulates sleep. Try to avoid screens at least an hour before bedtime to help your body naturally prepare for sleep. Leaving your phone to charge in a different room, and getting an alarm clock instead to keep on your bedside table could be one way to implement this.

Optimise Your Sleep Environment: Make sure your bedroom is conducive to sleep. This means keeping it cool, quiet, and dark. Investing in a comfortable mattress and pillows, where possible, can also make a big difference in the quality of your sleep. Ideally, only use the bedroom for sleep. This may not be possible if you also work or study in your room – but having set boundaries or routines that help you separate work and sleep is important.

Watch What You Eat and Drink: Avoid large meals, caffeine, and alcohol close to bedtime. These can disrupt your sleep cycle by causing discomfort or stimulating wakefulness.

Get Regular Physical Activity: Regular exercise can help you fall asleep faster and enjoy deeper sleep. However, try to avoid vigorous activity close to bedtime, as it can be stimulating and make it harder to wind down.

Manage Stress and Anxiety: Incorporating relaxation techniques like mindfulness, meditation, or journaling into your daily routine can help manage stress levels and prepare your mind for sleep. For instance, if you are someone who tends to overthink a lot whilst trying to get to sleep, writing down these worries or making a list of things that are on your mind can help you feel reassured that you can deal with them in the morning, clear your mind, and help you wind down.

Ask for Support!: As we discussed, sleep and mental health go hand in hand, and sometimes sleep problems can really affect our mental health and vice-versa. If you have tried the tips above and nothing is working, or if you feel that sleep is an area you need to tackle, a therapist can help you find ways to improve your sleep hygiene as well as uncovering what may be exacerbating your sleep difficulties. You don’t have to do this alone!

In conclusion, good sleep hygiene is essential for maintaining our mental health. By making small, intentional changes to our sleep habits, we can improve the quality of our sleep and, by extension, our overall well-being.

References:

Scott, A. J., Webb, T. L., Martyn-St James, M., Rowse, G., & Weich, S. (2021). Improving sleep quality leads to better mental health: A meta-analysis of randomised controlled trials. Sleep medicine reviews, 60, 101556.

Vandekerckhove, M., & Wang, Y. L. (2017). Emotion, emotion regulation and sleep: An intimate relationship. AIMS neuroscience, 5(1), 1–17. https://doi.org/10.3934/Neuroscience.2018.1.1

Author: Valentina Sartore

Psychotherapist, MSc, BSc (Hons)

The post Sleep Hygiene and Mental Health appeared first on TRC | London | Midlands | Edinburgh | Riyadh.

How affirmations can help children and young people with their anxiety

Valentina Sartore — Wed, 17 Apr 2024 15:03:36 +0000

The way we speak to ourselves can have a big impact on our mood, our self-concept (the way we feel about ourselves), and our mental well-being.

Have you ever found yourself looking in the mirror before an important meeting or an exam and said “you can do this!”, or “you’re prepared, you know what you’re doing!” to your reflection? These are examples of positive affirmations, small acts of self-encouragement which are simple, but can be helpful for managing difficult situations and feelings if incorporated in our day to day life with intention.

Research supports the efficacy of affirmations in reducing anxiety, promoting positive self-talk and improving psychological well-being, in several ways:

Affirmations can help us step back and take perspective:

A key aspect of anxiety, from a cognitive-behavioural therapy perspective, is that it makes our brain engage in ‘thinking traps’: for example, automatically imagining the “worst case scenario, or focusing only on the negative aspects of a particular situation.

One way this can be counteracted is through the process of “cognitive restructuring” which involves identifying these unhelpful thinking patterns (by taking a step back and observing what happens in our mind), and challenging the associated thoughts and predictions. Affirmations can help us see alternative, more balanced, and helpful perspectives.

One example is “thoughts are not facts, and I can choose not to believe them”.

They help us be kinder to ourselves:

Affirmations can help foster a sense of self-compassion and acceptance, which are important components of resilience in the face of anxiety. A big part of dealing with worry and anxious thoughts is accepting that they exist, and that they serve a purpose – often, to protect us from perceived danger or to help us feel more in control.

Acknowledging why they are happening can in turn help us feel more compassionate towards our anxious parts, whilst also encouraging us to take steps towards our goals even if anxiety tells us that we should not. By affirming one’s strengths, and ability to cope with challenges, we can build self-esteem and feel more empowered not to let anxiety control us.

Here are some examples I like to use: “I am brave and I am trying my best”, or “Anxiety makes me want to avoid things, but I choose to do them anyway”.

They help us self-soothe:

Affirmations can also be very effective for self-soothing. In times of intense anxiety, our brains go into “fight or flight” as they perceive danger, and our prefrontal cortex (the “logical”, rational brain) goes offline. Having a few simple sentences we can repeat to ourselves, can be helpful in those moments to calm ourselves down until we can feel better and think more clearly again.

“I am safe”, “I am protected”, “I will be okay” – are all things we crave to hear when we feel anxious, and we can do that through self-reassurance.

Incorporating such affirmations into relaxation techniques, such as breathing exercises or meditation can also be a great way to calm the nervous system and find some peace during a stressful time.

These are some of the ways in which affirmations can be helpful for anyone struggling with anxiety, and wanting to build self-esteem, speak more kindly to their self, and improving mood.

They can be helpful for anyone, however, I particularly like to use affirmations with children and teenagers. The concept is easy enough to grasp, so that time can be spent with the child thinking of good affirmations that resonate with them and their own interests, needs and preferences.

This can be done creatively, they can be handwritten onto post-its, painted, voice-recorded, or printed and hung somewhere around the house.

Finally, children and teenagers in particular may often get encouragement and praise from other people such as parents and teachers – but the most important words will always be the ones we say to ourselves. Empowering young people to find ways to speak to themselves kindly, positively, and in a way that is self-reassuring and encouraging can have a huge impact on their sense of self and how they deal with anxious times.

Author: Valentina Sartore

Psychotherapist, MSc, BSc (Hons)

The post How affirmations can help children and young people with their anxiety appeared first on TRC | London | Midlands | Edinburgh | Riyadh.

Managing the Christmas Holidays

Valentina Sartore — Wed, 20 Dec 2023 15:14:42 +0000

Whilst the Christmas period can be a joyful time for many, it can also bring up difficult feelings, for several reasons: grieving loved ones who are no longer here, challenging family situations, or feeling the societal pressures to be ‘cheerful and jolly’ – all making this time hard to navigate for some.

I hope that the following tips may provide some ideas on how to manage a challenging time, or a dip in your mental health during the Holiday period.

It’s okay not to like Christmas!

Admitting that we don’t enjoy Christmas can feel hard: we may not want to “be a killjoy”, feel judged or questioned, so instead we may put on a mask and pretend to be having a good time, which can increase negative feelings and a sense of disconnect. Whilst you might not feel able to share your true experience, it is really important to remember that you are allowed not to like Christmas! It’s a lot more common than you think – we just don’t talk about it enough. If you have realised that you don’t share the same excitement about it than others do… that is okay. Give yourself permission to feel this way, instead of forcing yourself to be someone you are not. Acceptance can help us feel less guilty or frustrated with ourself for feeling a certain way, and instead paves the way to finding ways to manage.

Boundaries are key

Take some time now to think of any boundaries with others and yourself, that can help make this time more manageable.

For instance, saying no to certain events, asking family to meet up for a short time instead of a full day, or scheduling a few hours to spend on your own in your pyjamas. Particularly when we have big families, or complex ones, or expectations coming from all directions, a key thing to remember is that it is not your responsibility to make everyone’s Christmas perfect or enjoyable. You can be kind and show love and care to others, whilst still setting boundaries and prioritising yourself. After all, this is a time for you to also rest, recharge and have a pleasant time.

Plan some things that can help you escape

Around Christmas, you might be surrounded by people all the time, especially if you have a busy family, or many events scheduled. Whilst these can be enjoyable, it’s also important to find some quiet time to rest, or even ‘escape’ situations that can drain your battery. Take some time to come up with a few ideas of things you could do to recharge;

If you’re at home, going outside for a walk, or taking an hour to sit in your bedroom with music/a book can be helpful.

If you have many events planned, you could take a look at your calendar and schedule a few ‘nights in’.

Something I find helpful is also to immerse myself in media set in a completely different time of the year, decade, or even world. Watching non-Christmas films, reading fantasy books, or gaming can be helpful in providing an escape from life if it feels too much at the moment!

Be mindful of phone and social media use

We all hate being told to stay off our phones, but the reality is that the pressure of always being connected can be even higher at Christmas.

If you feel overwhelmed at the amount of phone-calls receive on the day, or guilty if you don’t answer or reach out to people, trying to let go of that pressure is crucial. Loved ones will understand that you’re busy and that it’s hard to reach out to everyone promptly. If you do want to ensure you check in with certain people, you could send a message a few days before – wishing them merry Christmas for the coming days and letting them know you will speak to them after the busyness has quietened. This could help take some pressure off Christmas Day.

Being inundated by social media content showing others’ Christmas celebrations can also be difficult, as it may lead us to compare our experiences with theirs, leaving us feeling like we are missing out or should be happier/doing more.

It’s key to remember that people only share a small percentage online of what their lives look like in reality, however accepting this can be easier said than done; we might still end up mindlessly scrolling through everyone’s posts and before we know it, two hours have passed and we feel awful. Whilst it might be frustrating to accept, the solution to this is to try and limit social media use during this time. Temporarily delete apps, turn off your phone, or leave it in a different room if needed. Find an activity that requires full concentration, or that you can’t do if you’re holding your phone, such as arts and crafts, knitting/crocheting, sports, reading. It will only be for a few days, and you might realise you didn’t miss it as much as you expected!

Stick to a routine

This might be simple, but it can help. This is a time when you might be off work, surrounded by family, have activities planned or even be in a different country. Maintaining some elements of routine, e.g. continuing your workout routine, waking up and going to bed at similar times daily, or taking time in the morning to yourself before the day begins, can help us feel less ‘all over the place’.

Connect with others and share how you feel

It’s important to acknowledge that Christmas can also be a time of increased sense of disconnect and loneliness for some of us. We may be physically alone, or feel alienated despite being surrounded by others, if we don’t feel safe or connected to them.

If you can, try to find a few people who you do feel comfortable with and plan to check-in with them. It could be helpful to share how you are feeling about Christmas, perhaps asking them to plan a non-Christmas activity or to talk about something different.

If you are really struggling, please remember that support is still available during the holidays; reach out to your GP, emergency services, or listening services such as Samaritans if you feel you need extra support.

Ultimately, this can be a lovely time, but it may also be tough to manage, and that is okay.

If you can, try to notice what you do like about Christmas – whether it’s seeing old friends, catching up with a loved one, eating lovely food or seeing the Christmas lights light up your town.

If you are struggling, do remember that you are not alone in feeling like this. It is okay not to enjoy this time, it does not reflect your overall mental health, recovery, or who you are all the time. This period will only last a few weeks, and then things will go back to the way they normally are. You can do this!

Take care.

Author: Valentina Sartore

Psychotherapist, MSc, BSc (Hons)

The post Managing the Christmas Holidays appeared first on TRC | London | Midlands | Edinburgh | Riyadh.