Agnes Ban, Author at TRC | London | Midlands | Edinburgh | Riyadh

Siblings of Neurodivergent Children: The Often-Overlooked Family Member

Agnes Ban — Wed, 29 Jul 2026 14:25:40 +0000

When we think about families raising a neurodivergent child or a child with a disability, our attention naturally tends to focus on the child with additional needs. However, there is another family member whose experiences often go unnoticed: their siblings.

These siblings are frequently described as the “easy” child—independent, mature and low maintenance. Yet beneath the surface, they may carry a complicated mix of love, protectiveness, embarrassment, grief, frustration and guilt. Their experiences are increasingly recognised through the concept of the glass child.

The term glass child was popularised by Alicia Maples in her TEDx talk, Recognising Glass Children. Despite what the name might suggest, these children are not fragile. In fact, they are often remarkably capable, resilient and resourceful. The term refers to the experience of feeling “looked through”, as though they are invisible because so much of their parents’ time, energy and emotional resources are understandably devoted to caring for a sibling with complex needs.

Parents of neurodivergent or disabled children often find themselves juggling appointments, therapies, school meetings, navigating complex systems and managing chronic stress. In this context, siblings may quietly learn to suppress their own needs in an effort not to add to the family’s already heavy load.

Growing up too quickly:

Many glass children appear mature beyond their years. They may become highly independent, avoid asking for help and learn to cope with life’s challenges on their own.

Some also take on responsibilities that are beyond what would typically be expected for their age. This might involve helping care for younger siblings, supervising a brother or sister, or providing emotional support to overwhelmed parents. When children consistently take on these adult responsibilities, they can become what psychologists describe as parentified.

Although these adaptations can make children appear resilient, they often come at a cost. As adults, some former glass children report struggling with anxiety, perfectionism, people-pleasing, setting healthy boundaries and recognising their own needs. Many find it difficult to ask for support because they learned from an early age that other people’s needs came first.

Common experiences of glass children:

Although every family’s experience is different, research and lived experience suggest that many glass children share some common characteristics.

Feeling invisible. They may believe their needs are less important than those of their sibling and develop the expectation that they should always be “fine”.
High levels of maturity and hyper-independence. They often manage school, friendships and emotional challenges alone, even when they are struggling internally.
People-pleasing. They may prioritise everyone else’s wellbeing over their own and find it difficult to say no.
Some become high achievers, believing they need to excel in order not to create additional worries for their parents.
Suppressed emotions. They may hide difficult feelings to avoid adding further stress to the family.
Conflicted emotions and guilt. They may feel guilty for achieving milestones or enjoying experiences that their sibling cannot, making it difficult to celebrate their own successes without mixed feelings.

Alongside these emotional experiences, siblings may also face everyday challenges that others rarely notice. Family plans may be cancelled at short notice due to a sibling’s needs. Holidays, birthdays or outings may revolve around what is manageable for the disabled child. Routines can be unpredictable, and siblings may find themselves repeatedly adapting their own expectations. While these disruptions may seem minor in isolation, over time they can contribute to feelings that their own needs and wishes are less important.

Signs a sibling may be struggling:

A child who isn’t causing problems isn’t necessarily coping well. Signs that a sibling may be finding things difficult include:

They stop talking about their own interests, achievements or worries.
They rarely ask for help, even when they clearly need it.
They withdraw from friendships or activities they previously enjoyed.
They appear distracted or begin struggling at school.
They become unusually irritable, withdrawn or begin engaging in risk-taking behaviours.
They seem uncomfortable receiving praise or being the centre of attention.
They express resentment or frustration but quickly apologise or minimise their feelings.
They describe family life almost entirely through the experiences of their sibling, rarely mentioning themselves.

If these experiences remain unrecognised over many years, some siblings may become more vulnerable to anxiety, depression, low self-esteem or trauma-related difficulties later in adolescence or adulthood.

Supporting your glass child:

Supporting siblings does not mean eliminating the challenges your family faces. Rather, it means helping them feel seen, heard and valued.

Some ways parents can support their child include:

Be honest and open. Acknowledge the difficulties your family is facing and recognise the impact these may have on siblings. Saying something like, “I wish I could spend more one-to-one time with you, and I know it’s hard when I can’t,” can be incredibly validating.
Don’t mistake independence for wellbeing. A child who appears competent may still be struggling. It’s also worth remembering that some siblings have their own neurodivergence or additional needs that may go unnoticed because the family’s attention is focused elsewhere.
Prioritise one-to-one time. Even brief periods of uninterrupted attention can help children feel important. Follow their interests, ask about their experiences and listen without rushing to solve problems.
Protect them from adult responsibilities. Be mindful of ways siblings may unintentionally take on caregiving or emotional support roles that are not appropriate for their age, and reduce these wherever possible.
Advocate for all of your children. If your child is struggling, consider professional support. Therapy can provide a safe, non-judgemental space to process difficult emotions with someone outside the family.
Explore sibling support groups. Meeting other children with similar experiences can reduce feelings of isolation and help children realise they are not alone.
Accept help when you need it. Caring for a disabled child can be emotionally and physically demanding. Leaning on family, friends or professional support can reduce parental burnout and create more opportunities to be emotionally present with all of your children.
Encourage their own identity. Help your child develop interests, friendships and goals outside their role within the family. They deserve opportunities to simply be themselves.

Every sibling’s experience is different, and many describe growing up alongside a neurodivergent or disabled brother or sister as something that has also taught them empathy, resilience and compassion. Recognising the challenges they face does not diminish the love they have for their sibling. Instead, it reminds us that every child in the family deserves to feel seen, supported and heard.

Author: Agnes Ban

Child and Adolescent Psychotherapist MA, PGDip, MBACP, UKCP

The post Siblings of Neurodivergent Children: The Often-Overlooked Family Member appeared first on TRC | London | Midlands | Edinburgh | Riyadh.

How can you support your child or teen experiencing autistic burnout?

Agnes Ban — Thu, 11 Jun 2026 09:25:48 +0000

Many autistic children and teenagers spend a great deal of energy navigating a world that hasn’t been designed for them: unclear and unpredictable social expectations, sensory overwhelm, and exhaustion from constant masking (camouflaging autistic traits to fit in or avoid negative treatment). Many children and adolescents, especially those without a formal diagnosis, also lack the understanding and language to make sense of their struggles, leading to further feelings of exclusion, isolation and self-blame. Over time, this can lead to autistic burnout: a state of deep emotional, physical and mental exhaustion.

Recognising the signs of burnout:

Autistic burnout can sometimes build gradually over time, particularly when young people are managing ongoing demands at school, socially or within busy environments.

Some common signs may include:

increased exhaustion or needing more rest
withdrawing from social situations
heightened sensory sensitivities
finding it harder to complete everyday tasks
increased anxiety
more frequent shutdowns or meltdowns
loss of confidence or motivation
increased demand avoidance
regression in some skills
reduced ability to manage tasks that previously felt manageable

Every autistic young person experiences burnout differently, and signs may fluctuate from day to day.

As a parent, you may feel increasingly anxious, frustrated or overwhelmed as you try to navigate your child’s heightened difficulties while desperately trying to meet your family, the school and wider society’s expectations. Many parents end up feeling lonely, misunderstood and isolated. Instead of support, they are met with judgement or well-meaning advice that promotes traditional parenting approaches, ignoring the unique challenges your child and family are facing. Over time, you may feel as if both you and your child are ‘failing’ or that you should just be trying harder. It can feel especially confusing if you were conditioned in your own childhood to dismiss your distress and just ‘push through’ at any cost.

However, when your child reaches this stage of physical and mental exhaustion, it is pivotal to recognise all the unmet needs that may not have been visible until this point, and to acknowledge how they have been doing their absolute best to cope with prolonged, high levels of stress for a long time without enough opportunity to rest, recover, or feel fully safe being themselves. They deserve space and time to rest and heal.

Reduce pressure and expectations:

The first step when supporting your child or teenager experiencing burnout is to reduce unnecessary pressure and expectations and allow them to rest as much as possible. This may involve:

simplifying routines
allowing additional downtime after school
reducing social commitments
offering flexibility or the option to opt out of extracurricular activities, homework or chores on days when they have no capacity
advocating for your child’s increased need for support and understanding with school staff and other family members

Some autistic children and young people may reach a point of physical, emotional and mental exhaustion at which they are no longer able to attend school, especially if the school environment is unsupportive and the necessary accommodations are not in place. This can significantly increase the pressure on parents who now have to juggle work commitments alongside caring for their child.

It’s important to remember that this situation is not permanent, and your child will be able to engage with life again if they are given the space and time to recover and once their capacity has returned. However, expecting your child to return to their previous overstretched, high-masking lifestyle may not be realistic and can also lead to serious mental health struggles later in life. Ensuring that their difficulties are acknowledged, that they feel supported, and that they have access to reasonable accommodations is fundamental to enabling them to engage with learning and social activities in a way that is safe and sustainable.

Prioritise rest and regulation

Rest looks different for everyone. For autistic young people, recovery may involve engaging in activities that help regulate their nervous system and create a sense of safety.

This might include:

spending time in quiet or low-demand environments
engaging in special interests
using sensory supports or comfort items
listening to music
repetitive movement or stimming
spending time alone to decompress

Some autistic children and teenagers might need their ‘safe person’ to be within reach at all times. This may appear from the outside to be separation anxiety, but in reality the child or young person is instinctively trying to regulate their overwhelmed nervous system by co-regulating with their caregiver – the most effective form of emotional regulation used by all mammals. As the child’s nervous system gradually returns to a sense of safety and the anxiety reduces, the need for the constant presence of a co-regulating caregiver will also lessen.

Support sensory needs

Sensory overwhelm can become much more intense during periods of burnout. Busy environments, loud noises, bright lights or uncomfortable textures may feel increasingly difficult to manage.

Small adjustments at home or school can sometimes help reduce stress, such as:

creating quieter spaces
reducing background noise
planning recovery time after busy activities
preparing for transitions or changes in advance
supporting access to sensory aids if helpful
adjusting clothing to accommodate sensory needs

Remember that recovery takes time

Burnout recovery is rarely quick or linear. Some days may feel easier than others, and progress can fluctuate over time. Providing your consistent presence, safety, and connection without pressure or expectations is the most helpful support you can offer your child during this difficult time.

Supporting yourself as a parent or carer

Supporting a child through autistic burnout can be deeply emotionally demanding for parents and carers. Many parents find themselves balancing advocacy, school communication, family responsibilities, and worries about their child’s well-being.

It can feel like there is no space or time for self-care; however, taking care of your own needs during this time is just as important as being there for your child. If you are overstretched, constantly exhausted, and emotionally overwhelmed, you may find it harder to offer the calm, safety, and often much-needed co-regulation your child needs. Therefore, prioritising self-care, which might include rest, relaxing activities, or reaching out for support as a parent, is paramount during this time and may need to take priority over other aspects of life for a while.

Author: Agnes Ban

Child and Adolescent Psychotherapist MA, PGDip, MBACP, UKCP

The post How can you support your child or teen experiencing autistic burnout? appeared first on TRC | London | Midlands | Edinburgh | Riyadh.