Sarah Childs, Author at TRC | London | Midlands | Edinburgh | Riyadh

Finding the Next Steps: What If My Exam Results Weren’t What I Expected?

Sarah Childs — Mon, 11 Aug 2025 16:38:13 +0000

When you open your exam results, whether GCSEs or A-Levels, there’s often a sense of expectation hanging in the air. You might have pictured a particular number, a letter, a plan unfolding. And when the reality doesn’t match what you imagined, it can feel disorienting, disappointing, and even frightening.

As a counselling psychologist who works with young people, I want to say this clearly: your results do not define you. They never could. If things haven’t gone the way you hoped, this doesn’t mean you can’t accomplish your dreams – it’s just a turning point. Below are some steps to help you navigate unexpected exam results:

Allow yourself to feel whatever comes up

It’s normal to feel shock, sadness, anger, embarrassment, or a mix of emotions, when results don’t meet your expectations. Sometimes there’s also guilt or fear about disappointing others. Take a breath. None of these feelings make you weak or dramatic. They are normal and just make you human.

Try not to rush past them. Give yourself time to feel and reflect. Talk to someone you trust, whether that’s a friend, parent, teacher, or school counsellor.

What went wrong – if anything?

This isn’t about blame, but about understanding. Was it exam stress? A difficult year? A subject you never clicked with? Sometimes, unexpected results are less about effort and more about a mismatch between your strengths and the assessment format.

This is a chance to learn about yourself. Academic success is only one kind of intelligence. You might thrive in more practical, creative, or interpersonal areas, which exams often fail to capture.

Redefine what success means to you

Success isn’t linear. It’s easy to believe that a specific grade or university is the only way forward, but life doesn’t work like that. Many people take alternative routes and end up, not only where they hoped to be, but somewhere even better.

Maybe this moment is inviting you to be honest about what you actually want and not just what you thought you should want.

Explore your options

Here’s the good news: there are always options.

Didn’t get the GCSEs you needed? You can re-sit certain subjects, take alternative qualifications, or explore vocational pathways.
Didn’t get into your first-choice sixth form or college? Other schools, colleges, or apprenticeships might suit you better than you think.
A-Level results not what you needed for uni? Clearing might lead to a surprising new course, or you could take a year to work, travel, or reapply with fresh experience and perspective.

Talk to your school’s careers advisor or use trusted services like the National Careers Service or UCAS for support.

This is not who you are – it’s just something that happened

It’s easy to internalise results as a reflection of your worth. But one number or grade says nothing about your courage, creativity, kindness, or potential.

So if you’re feeling stuck, try asking: what do I value? What kind of life do I want to build? This isn’t just about a career, it’s about your wellbeing, your growth, your relationships – the bigger picture.

Reach out – don’t hold it alone

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, talking to a professional can help. Counsellors and psychologists are trained to support people through moments like this where life feels uncertain, and it’s hard to know where to go next.

It’s okay to need support. You don’t have to have all the answers. You just need space to think, feel, and take it one step at a time.

A final thought:

Your path might be different from the one you imagined but that doesn’t make it wrong. Sometimes the most meaningful journeys begin in moments of uncertainty. Trust that you’ll find your way. Remember: you are so much more than your results.

Author: Dr Sarah Childs

Chartered Counselling Psychologist

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Rest: The Reboot We Forget We Need

Sarah Childs — Fri, 18 Jul 2025 14:45:54 +0000

As a counselling psychologist, I’ve noticed a theme that often emerges around this time of year. By July, many of us have been running on autopilot, driven by deadlines, social obligations, and the unrelenting pace of modern life. Even when summer arrives, with its promise of longer days and warmer evenings, there’s a tendency to fill the space with more – more plans, more travel, more pressure to “make the most of it.”

How about if we approached July differently? It’s a month that, if we allow it, can teach us about the quiet, restorative power of rest.

Rest isn’t laziness. It’s not giving up. It’s a conscious act of self-care. Our minds and bodies were never designed to be in constant productivity mode. Just as nature follows cycles, we too need rhythm in our lives. Rest helps us recalibrate, process, and ultimately grow stronger.

In therapy, I often speak with clients who feel guilty when they’re not being “useful.” We explore how they have been so conditioned to measure their worth by what they produce or achieve that taking a break feels indulgent or even wrong. But what I remind them, and myself, is that rest is not a reward we have to earn. It’s a basic human need. Without it, we risk burnout, resentment, and disconnection from ourselves.

July can be an antidote to that. It’s a natural time to slow things down, and when you do you might notice that rest brings a quiet clarity. Problems that seemed overwhelming begin to feel more manageable. Creativity starts to flow again. Relationships feel easier when we’re not running on empty. In rest, we remember that we are human beings, not human doings.

So this July, I invite you to lean into rest. Not as something to “achieve,” but as something to experience. Cancel a plan if you need to. Read a book just for the joy of it. Sit in the sun with no agenda. Allow yourself to simply be.

Author: Sarah Childs

Chartered Counselling Psychologist

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Online Friendships vs. Real-Life Connections: Finding Balance in a Digital World

Sarah Childs — Fri, 20 Jun 2025 13:46:38 +0000

It’s never been easier to connect with others in the digital world and many of us are forming and maintaining friendships online. These connections can be meaningful and supportive, especially when we find people with similar interests or values, and it can help us to feel connected in a busy world where people are constantly on the move.

At the same time, the rise of online interactions brings new challenges. It can blur the lines between genuine connection and passive scrolling, or between feeling socially engaged and actually being emotionally fulfilled. We often hear people describe feeling more connected than ever, yet lonelier underneath the surface.

It’s important to pause and consider the impact when our relationships exist primarily through screens. Real-life connections offer something that’s hard to replicate digitally, such as the subtle non-verbal cues, the warmth of presence and the spontaneity of shared experiences. These moments build deeper emotional attunement and, over time, a stronger sense of trust and belonging.

So how do we find balance?

It’s not about choosing one or the other but being intentional. You might ask yourself “Do my online friendships energise me, or do they drain me?” “Do I make space for face-to-face moments that ground me in the present?” Consider setting gentle boundaries with screen time and prioritising in-person interactions when possible, even if it’s just a short walk with a friend or a coffee with a colleague.

In therapy, we often explore the quality of connection, not just the quantity. So take time to reflect on how your relationships, both online and offline, are serving you. The goal is balance and that starts with awareness.

Author: Dr Sarah Childs

Clinical Psychologist

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The Role of Nature in Boosting Mental Wellbeing

Sarah Childs — Thu, 08 May 2025 09:29:53 +0000

When so much of life happens at a fast pace, behind screens and indoors, it’s easy to forget how vital the natural world is to our mental wellbeing. My training in counselling psychology leads me leads me to not just invite clients to explore their inner world, but also their outer environment, and nature consistently proves to be a powerful ally in healing and growth.

Spending time in green spaces has been linked to reduced anxiety, improved mood, and greater emotional resilience. As we embrace spring it is important to remember that even brief interactions with nature, such as a walk in the park, sitting beneath a tree, or listening to the birds chirping, can help regulate our nervous system and ease the mental clutter that builds up in our daily lives.

Nature offers something rare – a space where we’re not judged, evaluated, or required to perform. It provides sensory grounding through sights, sounds, textures, and smells, that brings us into the present moment. For those struggling with depression, burnout, or grief, nature offers a gentle reminder that change is part of life, and that growth and renewal is always possible. I sometimes recommend clients try an “awe walk” to help them reconnect with their inner child-like sense of wonder and with something bigger than themselves.

In a world that moves fast, nature invites us to slow down. Sometimes that simple shift is exactly what we need to feel more balanced and connected.

Author: Sarah Childs

Psychotherapist

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Looking at the world with awe

Sarah Childs — Wed, 12 Feb 2025 10:29:34 +0000

During the winter of the 2020 Covid 19 pandemic I was searching for ways in which people might find some comfort and relief from what was a particularly challenging moment in the world. I came across an article about some research conducted into the power of “awe” and have been talking to people about this and practicing it myself ever since.

What is awe?

Awe is a complex emotional response that arises when we encounter something vast, profound, or beyond our usual frame of reference. It’s the feeling you get when gazing at a sky full of stars, standing at the edge of a mountain, noticing the beauty of a flower or watching a powerful performance. Awe has been described as a combination of two key elements: (1) vastness and (2) a need for cognitive accommodation i.e., where our mental frameworks must expand to make sense of what we’re experiencing (Keltner & Haidt; 2003). Awe not only shifts our perspective but also connects us to something larger than ourselves.

Research on awe and wellbeing:

In the hustle and bustle of modern life, it can be easy to lose sight of the sheer wonder of the world around us. Dacher Keltner, a professor of Psychology at University of California, Berkeley, proposes that cultivating a sense of awe can offer profound benefits for mental health and overall wellbeing. In a paper written by Dacher and Monroy (2023) they ask why is it that spending time in nature, listening to a piece of music, dancing at a music festival and engaging in the spiritual world is good for our wellbeing? They make the link between these experiences and the sense of awe and wonder with the world that they generate. Experiencing awe also helps us to connect with our inner child, rediscovering the joy in the small things, the new things and the everyday phenomenon that often gets lost as we grow older.

Numerous studies highlight the mental health benefits of experiencing awe. Sturm et al. (2020) found that awe can reduce activity in the brain’s default mode network, a region associated with introspective thinking and rumination. By quieting this network, awe helps individuals break free from negative thought patterns, such as anxiety and overthinking.

Awe walks:

One particularly effective way to harness this power is through “awe walks”, which are purposeful walks designed to immerse yourself in the beauty and vastness of nature or your surroundings. Recent research suggests that this simple, yet transformative habit can significantly enhance mental health, fostering emotional resilience, reduced stress, and a greater sense of connection to the world.

How to incorporate awe walks into your routine:

Firstly, it won’t take a dramatic lifestyle overhaul! Even short walks in familiar settings can inspire awe if approached with intention.

Setting:

Choose a location that inspires wonder. This might be a forest trail, a historic site, or if you live in the city it could be a local park, or an area where you can marvel at the impressive architecture.

Engage Your Senses:

Pay attention to the sights, sounds, smells, and textures around you. What details stand out?

Adopt a Beginner’s Mindset

Approach the walk as if you’re seeing everything for the first time, focusing on novelty and curiosity

Reflect on Vastness

Contemplate the immensity of what you’re observing. How does it connect to larger systems, such as nature or human history?

Express Gratitude

End your walk with a moment of gratitude for the experience and the beauty around you.

Benefits of awe walks for mental health:

Studies show that awe can lower cortisol levels, the hormone associated with stress (Sturm et al., 2020). By shifting focus outward, awe walks help calm the mind and reduce anxiety.
Bai et al. (2021) found that awe walks can increase feelings of joy and contentment. Experiencing the vastness of nature or human creativity often inspires a sense of wonder that improves mood.
Regular exposure to awe helps individuals build resilience. When faced with life’s challenges, the perspective gained from awe i.e., that we’re part of something larger, can offer comfort and strength.
Awe often leads to prosocial behaviours. Feeling small in the face of something vast can foster humility and a stronger desire to connect with others (Keltner & Haidt, 2003)

To conclude:

Awe is more than an emotion – it’s a gateway to improved mental health and a greater sense of wellbeing. By engaging in awe walks, we can reconnect with the world’s beauty and vastness, reducing stress, enhancing happiness, and fostering resilience. In a world that often feels overwhelming, awe provides a vital antidote. It’s reminder of the profound and extraordinary that exists all around us!

So next time you’re feeling stressed or disconnected, get your shoes on and step outside with a sense of wonder. You might just find that awe is the mental reset you didn’t know you needed.

Author: Sarah Childs

Psychotherapist MBPsS, MSc, BA (Hons), (Reg MBACP)

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Navigating grief during the Christmas period

Sarah Childs — Thu, 05 Dec 2024 15:22:33 +0000

During my time working with bereavement, I saw how many different, and often conflicting, emotions the Christmas period brought up for my clients. As with grief in general, the most important thing to keep in mind is that feeling all of these emotions is completely normal and ok. Bereavement can already be an incredibly challenging and confusing thing to go through during the rest of the year and, with so much focus on spending time with loved ones and being joyful, it can be particularly difficult at Christmas. You might feel this if you have experienced a recent bereavement, but it can equally be the case if your bereavement happened many years ago. Even when we might have started to come to terms with our loss in our daily lives, anniversaries and holidays such as Christmas can bring emotions to the surface more powerfully.

There are no rules

Know that it is ok if you feel fine, if you have moments of joy, if you just feel really sad and everything in between. There are no rules for how we should grieve and sometimes we don’t know how we will feel from one moment to the next. There can be so much shame attached to how we feel or what we need in a given moment e.g., sometimes you might just want to take your mind off your grief and talk to a friend about something else, but this could bring up feelings of guilt. At other times you might need to talk about how you feel but struggle to communicate this for fear of upsetting others. Both of these needs are part of something called the dual process model of grief, where sometimes we need to focus on processing the feelings of loss and at other times we want to focus on things that distract us and give us moments of relief from this. These are both important processes and it is completely ok, and in fact important, to acknowledge these needs and ask for them in a given moment. Also, remember that sometimes expectations of how others should grieve can lead to tension, so it is important to consider that others might grieve differently than you and to try and respect each other’s needs.

Plan ahead how you would like to spend this time

Some people who are grieving might choose not to celebrate Christmas and may wish to spend this time doing something else, for example, visiting a country that doesn’t celebrate Christmas or staying at home but choosing to focus on other things e.g., working on personal projects, clearing out your room/home, going on a hike etc. For others, sticking with traditions might be what feels best, and it can be comforting to think of ways to honour those who are not with us physically e.g., playing their favourite song, cooking a Christmas dish they loved, sharing memories or getting them a gift. Again, there are no rules, and it is about finding what feels right for you. However, it is also ok if you don’t know what that is. Where there might be people in the family who want different things, try to find a way to hear each other and come to a compromise. If this isn’t possible, you might find small ways that you can do things to support yourself and your needs that do feel doable. Here are some ideas:

Find ways you can escape for a moment e.g., watching a movie or reading a book that has nothing to do with Christmas and can transport you somewhere else
Getting out for a walk on your own or with someone who you feel safe with and who supports you
Speaking to a friend who can help you with either part of the dual processs
You might choose to visit the grave of the person you have lost or a place that was special to them
Speaking to the person you have lost internally or out loud, writing a letter to them to help you process your feelings, listening to a song that reminds you of them

Try not to compare yourself

It can be difficult not to compare with how other people are spending Christmas when you are grieving and missing someone. Try to limit time on social media so that you are not constantly reminded of what others are doing or about past Christmases. Again, it is personal and there are no rules e.g., you might find it comforting to stay connected with your friends. However, it is also ok to switch off and let people know you will be taking some time away from your phone over the Christmas period. You might also avoid Christmas films and Christmas TV to limit how much you are exposed to it. It can be helpful to find other ways to spend your time and to think of things that take your full concentration e.g., arts and crafts, knitting, baking, reading.

Self-care

For many of us the Christmas period brings a change of routine, with time off work and fewer hours of daylight. It is important to continue to look after yourself during this time by eating regularly and trying to maintain a sleep routine. Finding ways to move your body e.g., walking or stretching and connecting with people who make you feel good can also help. It can be the first time that many of us slow down from the demands of school, work or other commitments, so it is also ok to take time to rest, wrap yourself in a blanket and make yourself a cup of hot chocolate. Be kind to yourself and give yourself permission to recharge if that is what feels needed. It can also be helpful to remind yourself that the Christmas period will end if it is feeling hard. Another part of self-care is talking to someone if you feel you need extra support – this might be a friend of family member who you can trust or you can call the Cruse National Helpline on 08088081677 (Monday-Friday (9:30am-3pm).

Tonkin’s model of grief

Remind yourself of Tonkin’s model of grief. When we first lose someone we love, the grief can feel overwhelming, engulfing every aspect of our lives. It can be hard to imagine a time when it won’t feel this way. Tonkin suggested that instead of grief diminishing or disappearing with time, its size stays the same, but our lives grow around around it. Gradually, the grief occupies less space in the broader context of our lives.

The person we lost, the bond we shared, and the pain of their absence stay with us, held in our hearts. At times, this pain may feel sharper or more vivid, perhaps when revisiting places filled with shared memories or at Christmas time, bringing those emotions rushing back. However, as time passes, our life grows around the grief as we begin to make space for new experiences and opportunities. This helps us to find meaning in life again, making those difficult moments easier to navigate and allowing us to embrace the possibility of new beginnings. As this happens it may become easier to remember the happy memories and times spent together during times like Christmas.

Author: Sarah Childs

Psychotherapist MBPsS, MSc, BA (Hons), (Reg MBACP)

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