Covid-19 Archives - TRC | London | Midlands | Edinburgh | Riyadh

Feeling anxious about lockdown ending?

Michelle Scott — Wed, 14 Apr 2021 14:28:54 +0000

Michelle recently spoke to Channel 4 Uncovered about the ending of lockdown, and how some people may be feeling nervous about this.

It’s okay not to feel okay about coming out of lockdown.

Our social engagement system has not been used for a while and many of us will have instead been in fight/ flight mode or in shut down, in order to help us cope with the trauma and stress of the last year. We have been surviving.

We need to feel safe enough to come out of survival mode and into social engagement. Here’s how:

Breathe – extend the exhale. Breathe in for a count of 4 and focus on a long, slow, steady exhale through the mouth for a count of 6.

Move and play – expel any excess adrenaline, shift out of fearful posture patterns and help your body feel safe with some playful movement. Dance, do some yoga, play a sport, dig your garden. Do what Taylor Swift suggested and shake it out.

Go at your own pace- allow yourself time to feel ready to make changes. Show yourself that you can use healthy boundaries to create safety.

Gently connect – Is there one friend you feel safe to be with in person? Or hug your pet. Or visualise a time when you did enjoy being with people you love. Build up the social engagement system one step at a time.

To watch the interview: click here

Author: Michelle Scott

The post Feeling anxious about lockdown ending? appeared first on TRC | London | Midlands | Edinburgh | Riyadh.

Mood booster tips: “will I ever feel excited again?”

Michelle Scott — Thu, 18 Feb 2021 12:35:59 +0000

It is understandable that we have not been able to feel much excitement or joy through lockdown as we have been coping with so much stress, uncertainty and loss.

Many of us have had important events cancelled and it can feel safer to not look forward to anything for fear of further upset. We might have turned instead to behaviours that numb us out or give us instant gratification such as alcohol, food, social media or binge watching Netflix. These choices may help us to get through each day, but leave us disconnected from a sense of purpose and motivation.

Although it may be hard to get excited about a definite event in the future as we do not know if it can happen, we can use our imagination to reconnect to the things that make us happy and give us a reason to keep going.

Positive imagery is a well-established technique that is shown to improve mood and help with a range of conditions including chronic pain. The richer the image the more we can trigger positive feelings based on memories of happier times, so tap into your senses and imagine not only what you see – but also the smells, sounds, sensations and feelings. Connecting to the version of you that is in a positive situation in the future can help reignite your motivation and remind you of your capabilities. It can also send signals to your survival brain that you are not helpless or trapped and the current situation is temporary.

It is natural that thinking about something that we don’t have or have lost can cause mixed feelings. If you find that you become sad, give yourself time to acknowledge this feeling. It can be helpful to remind yourself that all feelings are valid and that sadness is appropriate for the current situation of loss.

Use your breath to ground you so that you can stay present and comfort yourself, speak to a friend, wrap yourself up in a blanket, hug a pet. As with grieving a person, if we can accept our sadness and give ourselves time to process it, we can learn to also hold on to the love and happiness we had with that person. Explain to yourself that your sadness is a sign of how much you love the things and people you were imagining.

When we are anxious or in fight/flight mode our survival brain will often feed us thoughts that match with how we feel, e.g. “I’m definitely going to catch COVID and be very ill” These type of thoughts make sense if there is actually a real threat to our immediate safety as they will keep us alert and avoidant of danger (better for our hunter gatherer ancestors to assume that a rustle in the grass was a predator than to ignore it).

More often this type of thinking can actually perpetuate our anxiety and low mood as we will start to believe the assumptions are facts, and restart a fresh cycle of anxiety.

It is more helpful for us to assess if our thoughts are factual or based on how we feel. Can you take a more reasoned view of your thoughts and talk yourself through it? E.g. “things are really tough right now and it’s making me feel down and a bit hopeless. I can’t predict the future, so I can’t say that nothing is ever going to happen again. My thinking is being clouded by my feelings”

You could instead focus on what you feel grateful for right now.
Think about other times your might have felt hopeless or negative, and how things changed.
Connect with someone you trust and share your feelings.

Author: Michelle Scott

Psychotherapist & Eating Disorder Specialist MSc BSc RMHN (Reg MBACP)

The post Mood booster tips: “will I ever feel excited again?” appeared first on TRC | London | Midlands | Edinburgh | Riyadh.

A feeling of Cabin Fever during lockdown?

Lucinda Gordon Lennox — Wed, 03 Feb 2021 10:12:28 +0000

Lucinda recently spoke to Glamour Magazine about feelings of ‘cabin fever’ during lockdown and how we can combat these feelings.

Whilst cabin fever is not a real diagnosis, and that is important to understand, many people at the moment are becoming tired, listless, and irritable from having had to stay home for so many months – and this feeling is certainly real.

We are social creatures, and the lack of social connection is greatly contributing to this, along with lack of purpose, routine, predictability, a loss of sense of time and the loss of our “normality”. Physiologically this is because our ventral vagal nerve (otherwise known as the social connection system) is not being activated nearly so frequently as when we live our lives in the company of other humans as a matter of every day. When the ventral vagal ceases to be activated, the dorsal vagal steps in and we feel down in the dumps. If this continues, we can feel even more low.

This is physiological, and not because there is something wrong with us.

Below are some ways that we can help to counter this:

1. Help activate your ventral vagal nerve (and thus move away from the dorsal vagal) to do this, try any or all of the following: any diaphragm activation such as singing, or breathing (breathe in for 4, breathe out for more (a longer count than the inbreathe)), laughing, connecting through the eyes (facetime), or stretching both arms really high above the head with the hands clasped together, and feeling the stretch of our entire torso – and then releasing.

2. Getting out of the house for a walk. Walking – the left/right motion – really helps to process our emotions from the day, and if we process them rather than leaving them stagnant in our bodies, we will feel better. Running is good if you’re a runner – no need to start running if you are not.

3. Making a plan for a socially distanced walk with a friend. I cannot emphasise enough our need for connection as humans. Our head might be telling us we don’t need to make the effort – but our system will thank us afterwards because we will feel a bit better. Even introverts need a certain level of human connection to prevent the dorsal vagal from taking over.

4. Find a sense of purpose; even if it’s a small one and even if it feels a bit silly to you. Do it anyway. It might be a big purpose, it might be a small purpose – it doesn’t matter.

5. Doing something for someone else. Is there anyone in your street who needs shopping delivered for them? Sometimes, stepping outside of our comfort zone and our now cabin fever zone to help another person can help us too.

6. Create a routine of some sort, even if it’s as bonkers as 10am – make a cup of tea; 1.30pm make soup. 3pm watch Netflix.

7. Move the body. This helps everything. Either just in the home, or by going for a walk outside. Or Yoga. Or dance.

8. Meditation is fantastic. If we are new to mediation, just taking time to notice how it feels sitting on a chair, or feeling the washing up liquid on our hands as we do the dishes – this is mindfulness mediation in action. If we have done mediation before, now is a great time to get back to it. Regular mediation teaches the amygdala (our threat and danger detector) to not react so quickly or so often.

9. See if you can listen to what you need in today. It might be different to what you needed yesterday. We have different needs on different days.

10. If things feel really too much, and the above tips feel insurmountable, do think about getting in touch with a professional for some 1:1 help that is much more tailored to just you.

Author: Lucinda Gordon Lennox

Trauma Specialist MSc (Reg MBACP, FDAP Accred)

The post A feeling of Cabin Fever during lockdown? appeared first on TRC | London | Midlands | Edinburgh | Riyadh.

The Telegraph: Covid has intensified the student mental health crisis

Robert Batt — Wed, 27 Jan 2021 10:52:54 +0000

Robert recently wrote an article for The Telegraph about student mental health at Universities during the Pandemic.

An excerpt from the article:

“There needs to be a change of thinking, a shift in paradigm. What I want to see is care – genuine care, not just churning students through the system for the sake of attendance, results and reputation. As one student told me, you could go to your university and say that you have a broken leg, or a broken heart – and they would say that it’s not their responsibility; their policy is that they are there to educate, not to provide medical services. The waiting lists for counselling at many universities is in excess of fifteen weeks. I want students to have agency, to have the opportunity to talk about what they want to talk about it and to be able to seek support where they want to find it – because they’re worth it, and they should feel that they are.”

Click here to read the full article.

Author: Robert Batt

CEO, Founder & Clinical Director Honorary Professor MSc NCAC (Reg MBACP, FDAP Accred)

The post The Telegraph: Covid has intensified the student mental health crisis appeared first on TRC | London | Midlands | Edinburgh | Riyadh.

Resolutions & Intentions for the New Year

Lucinda Gordon Lennox — Thu, 21 Jan 2021 16:15:08 +0000

We’re 3 weeks into the new year and I wonder how many people who have set resolutions are still keeping to them.

It’s tough keeping new resolutions if we have unresolved trauma – and the old habit that we were trying to break was in fact a self-protective measure put in place as a band aid for our trauma.⁠

What can typically then happen is we berate ourselves and shame ourselves for not managing to break the pattern and we just end up feeling even worse.

Even after we have done trauma work, we still might be left needing to break a habit. ⁠

I wonder if we can resolve to try some of the following:⁠

1. It’s ok if I don’t keep my resolutions because it’s too difficult⁠ and the habits I’ve been trying to break are tied to a deeper emotional reason that I haven’t addressed yet.

2. If we are trying to begin new, more healthy behaviours, can we set ourselves small goals instead of punitive big ones?⁠

3. Can we set an intention rather than a resolution. “This year I intend to stop smoking” or “this year I intend to eat healthily”. We can put a post it note up to remind us of the intention. ⁠

4. Can we ask for help with behaviours we want to change that just feel too difficult to change on our own. Once we’ve decided we want to change, often the next step is being ready to receive help from others. ⁠

5. Could we think about trauma therapy as an option to really understand and shift our internal wounds that are causing us to behave in maladaptive ways that we now find dysfunctional and that we want to change.

6. Can we be kind to ourselves. We have started the year in lockdown (in the U.K. at least). This is tough stuff for many people. Can we be gentle, kind, loving and accepting of ourselves, wherever we are at. ⁠

Author: Lucinda Gordon Lennox

Trauma Specialist MSc (Reg MBACP, FDAP Accred)

⁠

The post Resolutions & Intentions for the New Year appeared first on TRC | London | Midlands | Edinburgh | Riyadh.

Fight or Flight Response: understanding stress & how to manage it

Claudia Criswell — Mon, 16 Nov 2020 15:31:33 +0000

Claudia Criswell, TRC London & Edinburgh, gives us insight into the mechanisms of stress in the body and provides a few helpful tips on how to calm the mind and body down.

Due to the unforeseen and challenging situation we have found ourselves in, many of my clients (and I’m sure this applies to numerous people out there too) are feeling stressed and worried. The majority of them feel anxious about being in lockdown, worried about their jobs, home schooling their children, financial uncertainty, their ability to exercise and buying food. Although they feel stressed, very few understand the physical and mental effects this has and how to deal with it.

What happens when you’re stressed?

A stressful situation triggers the release of stress hormones that prepare the body for ‘fight or flight’. Responding to stress is a natural process and necessary for survival, but if the body senses stress over a long period of time it can have damaging effects mentally and physically.

How does it actually work?

When the brain detects stress, a signal is sent to the hypothalamus (part of the brain) which communicates with the rest of the body via the autonomic nervous system. This is made up of the sympathetic nervous system, also known as ‘fight or flight’, and the parasympathetic nervous system, also known as ‘rest and digest’.

A stressful situation triggers the hypothalamus to activate the sympathetic nervous system. This causes the adrenal glands (endocrine glands that sit above the kidneys) to release adrenaline into your blood. Circulating adrenaline causes numerous physiological changes preparing the body for ‘fight or flight’. These include:

Increased blood pressure
Increased heart rate to ensure blood is pumped to muscles, heart and other vital organs
Widening of pupils
Sweating
More oxygen being sent to the brain to increase alertness
Sight, hearing and other senses become sharper
Suppression of the immune and digestive systems

If the brain senses continuous stress, the hypothalamus releases more hormones which eventually cause the adrenal glands to release cortisol, another stress hormone. This causes the body to stay on high alert until the threat has passed and cortisol levels fall. The parasympathetic nervous system then kicks in dampening the stress response. This promotes the ‘rest and digest’ stage by decreasing your heart rate, increasing digestion and helping the body to calm down.

If you are continuously stressed, the levels of stress hormones remain high and your body may not be able to move into the ‘rest or digest’ phase which can lead to:

Fatigue
Headaches
Difficulty concentrating
Digestive problems
Changes in appetite
Difficulty sleeping
Lowered immune system
High blood pressure and heart rate

Ways to move from fight or flight to rest and digest:

Deep Breathing

Focusing on your breath can help reduce the feelings of tightness and tension in your chest and throughout your body. One particular technique that I (and many of my clients) find incredibly helpful is breathing in slowly for 4 counts, holding for 4 counts and breathing out for 5 counts. Repeating this a few times only takes a few minutes and can help your mind and body relax.

Distance yourself from screens

We are increasingly spending a large proportion of our days on technology. Endless scrolling and lack of movement can increase the risk of feeling permanently stressed out. Setting a time towards the end of the day to set your screens aside can give you time to wind down in the evening with no distractions. This allows you to spend a few hours doing something different every evening that you enjoy such as cooking, exercising or reading.

Gentle Exercise

Activities such as a walk outside and gentle stretching or yoga are great tools for stress. Combining movement with breath work also works wonders for relieving tension. It’s also important to remember that over exercising can add to stress, especially if you aren’t eating a balanced diet. Listen to your body.

Eat a balanced diet

Eating a balanced diet with a wide range of fresh fruit and vegetables, complex carbohydrates, protein and healthy fats can help support your body. With the necessary nutrients, your body can keep the adrenal glands and other systems in check whilst in distress.

Try to enjoy your meals seated with no distractions. Chewing your food thoroughly can help support digestion and relieve tension at mealtimes.

Limiting caffeine intake

Although this might be challenging when stuck at home, try to limit your caffeine intake to 1 coffee/tea per day. This is incredibly beneficial in reducing anxiety and stress symptoms. As caffeine has a half-life of 6 hours, substituting or avoiding any caffeinated drinks after 2pm for herbal teas can also improve sleep.

Self-care

Making time for yourself and doing something you love, whether it is having a bath, going on a walk, reading or spending time with loved ones is vital for relieving stress. Even just a few minutes a day can provide time to recuperate and give your body a chance to slow down.

Sleep

Set yourself a regular bedtime and aim for 7-9 hours of sleep per night. Avoid screens at least 2 hours before you go to bed, this really helps you wind down in the evenings and prepare you for a good night’s sleep.

Author: Claudia Criswell

Nutritional Therapist mBANT rCNHC

The post Fight or Flight Response: understanding stress & how to manage it appeared first on TRC | London | Midlands | Edinburgh | Riyadh.

Move From The Heart

Caroline Toshack — Mon, 26 Oct 2020 11:57:33 +0000

With social distancing still very much in place, how can we generate the same sensation and warm feeling after receiving a hug? Caroline Toshack, TRC Edinburgh, talks us through moves that leave us feeling cheerful.

I miss hugs. My arms ache for them. I miss giving them and I miss receiving them. My heart feels a little bit less full, a little bit sadder, for not giving out the hugs that I now realise 8 months ago I was offering out several times a day.

While I know I’m missing the sharing of the feel good emotion ‘oxytocin’ that we get from hugs, it feels more. I miss showing my love. I try to smile more from my eyes, I animate my face differently and I’m conscious that I’m now verbalising my hugs to friends by telling them how happy I am to see them. These all feel really positive new strategies and yet, my arms feel the undispersed energy of ungiven hugs.

Our arms could be said to be our first source of expression. In utero, our arms developed before our legs. And they originate from our heart, which was beating and developing before our brain was even on the horizon. Watching the video below of embryo development, it looks to me like the arms express out from the heart and around the body in a big hug. A huge big hug from the heart saying ‘here I am’!

It makes sense to me now how much our arms are an expression of our heart.

Notice when someone talks passionately how much they use their arms to add more vigour and depth to their subject. The expression of grief as arms wring or lift upwards or hug around ourself to somehow hold the loss. And the opening of the arms in a hug to express our love in a way that words cannot.

In so many ways this year we have lost that expression of our arms, whether we are conscious of it or not. We spend even more time on technology working away with great finger dexterity, but keeping our arms quite close in to our body and expressing through our gadgets rather than with our body. And of course, we’re socially distancing, less able to hug, or offer out a gesturing touch or hold to show that we care. We can’t dance together with arms above our heads or around our space connecting with others through our dance.

I wasn’t always a hugger. I’d class myself as ‘arm-shy’ for many years. It felt too vulnerable, too exposing. I see now that I was protecting my heart. Through my training as a movement therapist I began slowly; first some gentle pushing and pulling and then a little swing here and there, and finally I found fully expressive hugs that I could sink into and fully hold. And now I really miss that.

So imagine my joy yesterday when Michelle and I were both in at TRC Edinburgh together – the first time we’d seen each other in person since March – and she had an idea! She asked me to take 2 big cushions from the couch, as she did the same. She gave her two cushions a huge big bear hug and gestured for me to do the same. “Caroline, I’m so so happy to see you. It’s so good to hug you” she said as drew the cushion to her heart. “Oh Michelle, what a beautiful hug. I am so very happy to see you too” I said. We hugged our cushions and we felt the connection. I know I breathed a little bit fuller and my arms ached a little bit less for the interaction. Michelle, you are a genius!

So in this time when just maybe our heart needs our arms more than usual, what can we do to give it a bit of a lift:

Grab your cushions and hug them as you tell your friend how much you care – just like Michelle and I did.
Open your arms wide and air hug with the fullest expression your arms can offer
Place both hands on your heart and feel all the love from your heart flood into your arms and come back round to yourself. The circle of giving and receiving.
Stretch out in your space – reach out and lengthen your arms as much as you can, raise them above your head and let your heart breath fully.
Dance with the music on fully, Shake your arms, move them in all directions and let your heart express itself.

We will hug again, and I look forward to when we do.

Author: Caroline Toshack

Movement Therapist BSc

The post Move From The Heart appeared first on TRC | London | Midlands | Edinburgh | Riyadh.

Fresher’s Chats

LOFT — Fri, 09 Oct 2020 10:28:10 +0000

TRC are pleased to announce that we will be offering free, online support groups to University Fresher’s.

This Coronavirus enforced isolation is particularly dangerous for young people, and starting University is always a stressful time.

Our experienced clinical team will run the 60 minute ‘Fresher’s Chats’ to help generate a self-supporting network and to create connections between the students who are isolating in their rooms. The groups will provide fresher’s a safe forum to talk about their frustrations, loneliness and worries. They will leave with new tools and tips to help them navigate these first few months at University.

We are covering the costs of these groups, but we could do with some help spreading the word to University fresher’s – please do email info@trcgroup.org.uk for more details.

The post Fresher’s Chats appeared first on TRC | London | Midlands | Edinburgh | Riyadh.

How a Pandemic Affected Our Body Image

Caroline Toshack — Wed, 08 Jul 2020 09:38:25 +0000

Caroline Toshack, TRC Edinburgh, explains how living in lockdown may have distorted our image of ourselves. Has being disconnected from our friends and loved ones brought us to seek validation from other sources? Tune-in to your body and take these steps to reclaim your perspective.

Over these last few months, we’ve found ways to stay in touch and socially interact because our need to connect with others is a fundamental instinctual drive within us. This powerful need is hard wired into our system and we seek connection to experience feelings of safety, love, care and of being seen, valued and accepted. Lucinda has written recently about how our childhood experiences of being seen, or not, impacts our self-esteem and our acceptance, or not, of ourselves as we already are.

Trying to change ourselves to feel connected

A lack of self-acceptance can lead to us trying to change how we are in order to feel connected and seen. We seek validation from others that we are accepted, to feel that we belong, and we may do that by trying to emulate what we believe others admire or value in a person. For those with a negative body image, this can manifest in trying to look a certain way, or cover up what they don’t like about how they look. I wrote previously about what makes up our personal sense of body image, which you can read here.

Throughout history, cultures have revered different body shapes and sizes; from the Egyptians to the Rennaisance period, to the 1920s and through to the current day. In the last century in particular, this has changed rapidly, each decade bringing it’s own apparently ‘ideal shape’ around which fashion is formed. The increased speed of these shifts coincides with rapidly expanding marketing, consumerism and selling. Advertising feeds on our insecurities and the promise that if we could somehow look like a certain way, then we would feel better about ourselves.

“Perfectionism is a self destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame.”

Brene Brown

In this age of social media, multi-channel television, 24-hour news and incessant advertising we are now constantly exposed to these messages. Even with healthy levels of self-esteem, it can feel overwhelming, impossible even, to know how to navigate through these continual messages about how we are apparently supposed to look.

Why you might be feeling worse about your body image

Life during the pandemic has brought new challenges to this conundrum.

Our increased lack of real contact has made us even more vulnerable to the messages around us. We may have used social media and television more to keep us feeling connected with others. Yet, it can also create increased anxiety and stress about how we might have been spending our time during the lockdown. Feeds and news stories have been filled with conversations around daily exercise, who’s eating what to keep healthy, and how we could be using ‘this opportunity to improve ourselves’.

It can lead to pressure to keep up with what we think everyone else is doing and a belief that just coping with getting through a pandemic is somehow not enough. Those who already had negative feelings about their body may find that these feelings are accentuated, and many who aren’t used to feeling insecure about how they look may be finding fault with their body or scrutinising their changing shape.

If any of this resonates with you then you may find these tips helpful:

Accept that this is a unique time and that it will not last forever. History won’t look back on this time and care about how people looked or what they ate.
Practice being kind to yourself. It’s ok for your body to change, and it is in no way representative of who you are as a person, nor how successfully you have coped with the pandemic.
You are not alone in how you are feeling. Even though it may seem like everyone is creating their fittest form ever, the reality is that most are not.
Follow feeds and stories that impact on you positively. If posts from influencers, or even your friends, leave you feeling bad about yourself then unfollow or at least mute them.
Be aware that we only ever see a snapshot of someone’s life. We can never know the real story behind the posts and the pictures, and we have no actual idea how that person feels about them self. They may very well be trying to hide truths about themself from others.
Talk about how you are feeling. It can feel incredibly vulnerable to do this and allow others to know how we feel or to let ourselves be seen as we truly are. Yet, it can be one of the most empowering things that we can do. And it can allow others to see and accept us as ourselves, cultivating a true sense of connection and belonging within us.

Author: Caroline Toshack

Movement Therapist & Eating Disorder / Body Image Specialist BSc

The post How a Pandemic Affected Our Body Image appeared first on TRC | London | Midlands | Edinburgh | Riyadh.

Rebuilding Self-Accountability

Michelle Scott — Wed, 24 Jun 2020 10:59:50 +0000

Michelle Scott, TRC Edinburgh and London, shares a guide to building, or re-building, self-accountability through difficult circumstances. These have been difficult times for all. Take some time to take stock and re-orientate using these helpful tools.

The emotional landscape of the last few months has been ever-changing. One irksome constant for many is frustration at our inability to achieve as much as we would like.

On how many days are to do lists abandoned, running shoes unworn and the mess of our homes a weary reminder of more to do?

Previous posts have explored the ideas that we are experiencing a paralysis of anxiety or a form of retreat as part of a grieving process.

It may also be that we struggle to be accountable to ourselves.

Without the watchful eye of our teachers, bosses or peers have we fallen into a “What’s the point?” frame of mind?

There is, of course, a great value in deciding when we have reached our limit and taking a duvet day. That would be an act of self-care.

An inability to be take up accountability for ourself is the opposite. We are not able to set healthy internal boundaries. We slump into a fog of inaction and self-recrimination.

Setting Healthy Internal Boundaries

Healthy internal boundaries allow us to meet our physical, mental and emotional needs. They can include setting meaningful goals and following through with actions.

So why might it be so hard to stay on track when we don’t have another to be accountable to?

If we have early role models for healthy boundaries we will internalise and value them. We will understand the importance of taking responsibility for our own well being. We will enjoy the ability to exert a positive influence on our self esteem by taking care of our self.

For some this does not happen.

We may have a codependent role with others where our means of feeling safe is to keep them happy. As children we may have had to do this to survive in an uncertain or unsafe environment. Our sense of self and our sense of worth become based on meeting the needs and wants of those we depend upon. We do not learn to understand what we need beyond the need to feel safe. We do not believe that we deserve to have needs.

If we do not have a secure attachment as our foundation we will struggle to individuate. Separation and being alone will create anxiety rather than an opportunity to gain confidence. We may develop patterns of avoidance to manage this anxiety so that we deny the loss or need of the other.

Navigating Avoidance

Avoidance of feelings is a crude tool and can soon lead to us feeling unable to manage any feeling. We begin to feel as helpless as we feared we may be. We shy away from every situation or trigger that we sense will create an emotional response.

If we add a harsh inner critic in the mix, being accountable to ourselves becomes overwhelming and can feel impossible.

Self-accountability and working on internal boundaries may sound like a military school. It is, in fact, an opportunity to show ourselves love and to grow more fully into our sense of self.

Many of us may remember the feeling of being a small child learning how to ride a bike or do algebra for the first time. Our first reaction may well have been it’s too hard I can’t do it. A more accurate statement would be “we don’t know how to do it yet”. We can learn if we are patient and practice and if we have a supportive adult to help us. For now, we must be that supportive adult to ourself.

How to begin?

Become more aware of your feelings and needs. Take time to check in with yourself and expand your vocabulary of feelings to describe what you observe. Rather than “good” or “hungry”, can you describe the good feeling more accurately? What would you especially like to eat?
Establish which internal boundaries you most need. Make an honest appraisal of the ways in which you are not caring towards yourself. Are you sleep-deprived? Engaging in unhealthy habits? Have no time to enjoy hobbies?
Reevaluate your to-do lists – be they mental or literal. Take the opportunity to question who you are doing things for and why. Pay attention to those which are because you “Should” or “Have to” rather than “Want to”.
Notice if there are particular themes to where you get stuck. Stop and ask what is really going on here. Ask what am I avoiding? Do I struggle to get on with small task because I am struggling to get on with something deeper my life? Do I want to avoid feeling? When I say ” It’s not that important” do I mean “I’m not worth it”.
Create an ‘I want and need’ list. Reinforce your commitment to the things you include by writing it down along with your motivations for each item. I want to have more energy so that I can have fun with my friends. I need better sleep so that I can focus better. I want to have more time to enjoy reading.
Use visualisation to see yourself with the rewards of meeting your wants and needs. Connect to how that feels
Write a new ToDo list with your wants as a starting place. Connect to the reward as motivation for each task. Begin my work as soon as I get it – so that I can have more time to enjoy reading. Stop screen time before bed so that I can have better sleep and focus.
Make it possible – Be realistic about what needs to get done and when. Be flexible and responsive to what you can actually manage. Allow yourself to aim for something rather than nothing as opposed to all or nothing.
Change the inner dialogue to one of more self-respect and understanding. Instead of ” I am so pathetic I can’t get anything done” try ” I notice I am procrastinating, I must be feeling something I am not aware of”

Author: Michelle Scott

Psychotherapist & Eating Disorder Specialist MSc BSc RMHN (Reg MBACP) London & Edinburgh

The post Rebuilding Self-Accountability appeared first on TRC | London | Midlands | Edinburgh | Riyadh.