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How to cope with anxiety when starting school or university

Magdalena García — Mon, 07 Sep 2026 12:32:58 +0000

September is an interesting month: new classrooms and buildings, new people, new routines and for some, a new level of independence. For some, this can bring excitement about a fresh start, but also a tight feeling in the chest, homesickness, and even loneliness.

But homesickness and anxiety are not a character flaw. They’re a completely normal and expected response to a big change, and it doesn’t mean that they’re not ready.

Sometimes, life changes simply take time to adjust.

Why transitions feel hard

It’s easy to assume that homesickness means something is wrong, especially if you think everyone has settled in fine, and you’re the exception. But homesickness is so much more than missing home. It’s also about missing family, your friends, your home, a favourite meal, or knowing how each day will look like.

It can also be about the comfort of being somewhere where you don’t have to think about where to go, who to sit with, or what you’re supposed to do next. You don’t get decision fatigue.

Homesickness also doesn’t mean that you’re not excited to become more independent. You can be excited about university and still miss home terribly. You can love your new school and still have moments when you want to go back to your old school you’re familiar with.

These feelings can coexist. Homesickness is a natural response to change and doesn’t need to be eliminated immediately.

But let’s look at other things that can impact transitions:

Decision fatigue: as mentioned before, starting somewhere new requires an enormous amount of mental energy. Think about how many decisions you make during your day without really thinking about them: what to eat, where to go, who to sit with, when to study, etc. When everything is new, those decisions require conscious thought and can cause mental exhaustion from making lots of choices: Where is the lecture room? What time should I leave? Where should I sit? Should I go to this event?
Friendship pressure: starting somewhere new comes with an unspoken belief: everyone is immediately making friends. Should I be making friends already? Shouldn’t I have a friend group by now? The urgency can make normal social awkwardness, or struggling to connect with new people, feel like a personal failure, when in reality most people feel the same way (some hide it better!). What we see from other people is rarely the whole picture.
Comparison: social media can make things more intense. It can make you feel that everyone else is having the time of their life. But nobody posts the quiet Tuesday night where they missed their favourite meal or called an old friend since they felt lonely.

There is no universal timeline for settling in.

How can we work through it?

Build one small anchor routine. It doesn’t have to be big – same coffee order each morning, a phone call home once a week, a short walk before a lecture. Predictability, even on a small scale, can help steady the rest of your day. Small routines can provide a sense of stability when everything else is changing.
Let friendships happen slowly. The closest friendships rarely form in week one. They build through time and repetition. Attend your lectures and familiarise yourself with the people there.
Name the feeling instead of fighting it. Talk to someone you trust about your anxieties, loneliness, or homesickness. Message someone when you need connection. If that doesn’t feel doable, write it in a journal or speak to someone at university or school when you’re struggling. Pretending it’s not there can make things bigger.
Limit comparison. If scrolling through social media makes you feel worse, it’s completely fine to take a break or not engage with it. Remember: their feed isn’t the full story.
Go outside and move your body. It’s simple: a short walk, a couple of minutes outside, and moving can help regulate your mood, especially during life changes and stressful adjustments.

And most importantly, you don’t have to figure everything out at once. Reduce the pressure to solve everything immediately. Ask yourself, “What would make today feel a little easier?”, instead of, “How am I going to cope with the whole year?”

What can you do as a parent?

Transitions can be difficult for parents, too.

You might worry and feel anxious about whether your child is really okay. It’s even harder to watch your kid struggle from a distance. Our first instinct could be to call frequently, ask lots of questions and try to fix it.

Try checking in rather than hovering. What helps most is being a steady presence more so than taking control. A message like, “How’s it going?” Or “Thinking of you. No need to reply, just wanted you to know I’m here if you need it”. Let them lead with what they want to share and give them space to develop their independence while making it clear support is always available.
Resist the urge to solve it immediately. If they’re venting about a bad week at school or the first week of uni, it’s tempting to jump straight to advice. Sometimes (and more often than not) we want to be heard and validated first.
Resist the urge to interpret every difficult day as evidence that they’ve made the wrong decision. You can say things like, “It’s okay that this feels hard right now. You don’t have to decide anything today. Let’s give it some time.”
Don’t take distance personally. Their not answering every time you call or shorter replies to messages (even no replies) is very often about them building independence, not about you.

Remember that your child might not always tell you when they’re struggling. If you keep communication open, without demanding constant updates, it can be easier for them to come to you when they do need support.

When is it more than homesickness?

Adjustment difficulties and homesickness are common and expected, especially during the first weeks of a major transition. Most people start feeling more settled within a few weeks to a couple of months.

However, it’s worth paying closer attention if you notice:

Withdrawing almost completely from other people and social contact, not just feeling shy.
A low mood that isn’t lifting or is getting worse over time, rather than gradually easing.
Real trouble sleeping, eating or getting out of bed.
Loss of interest in things that used to matter to them or would normally enjoy.
Being unable to attend school, lectures or other essential activities.
Talk of hopelessness or worthlessness, or wanting to leave entirely with no plan to adjust first.

If any of these sounds familiar for yourself or someone you know, it’s better to seek support sooner than waiting for it to become more intense. You can reach out to student wellbeing teams at university or schools, a GP or other appropriate professional to help assess what’s going on and identify the right support needed.

Where a coach can help

A coach can be a useful source of support during a period of transition.

For students who want extra support, a coach can help them build routines, set realistic social goals, manage the workload and homesickness. Coaching tends to be more practical and forward-looking, where you can build skills and structure to handle a specific adjustment.

Having someone outside your family to talk things through makes it easier to separate normal discomfort from change from things that genuinely need addressing.

You are allowed to take your time

Starting somewhere new is meant to feel strange for a while, and it’s a significant transition.

The discomfort isn’t a sign you’re doing it wrong.

You don’t have to feel confident on the first day.
You don’t have to love every aspect of your new life immediately.
You don’t have to make your best friends in the first week.
Feeling homesick is not a sign you’re not coping.

Give yourself, and your child, permission to transition slowly, one step at a time.

Author: Magdalena García

Clinical Psychologist and Psychotherapist

The post How to cope with anxiety when starting school or university appeared first on TRC | London | Midlands | Edinburgh | Riyadh.

Siblings of Neurodivergent Children: The Often-Overlooked Family Member

Agnes Ban — Wed, 29 Jul 2026 14:25:40 +0000

When we think about families raising a neurodivergent child or a child with a disability, our attention naturally tends to focus on the child with additional needs. However, there is another family member whose experiences often go unnoticed: their siblings.

These siblings are frequently described as the “easy” child—independent, mature and low maintenance. Yet beneath the surface, they may carry a complicated mix of love, protectiveness, embarrassment, grief, frustration and guilt. Their experiences are increasingly recognised through the concept of the glass child.

The term glass child was popularised by Alicia Maples in her TEDx talk, Recognising Glass Children. Despite what the name might suggest, these children are not fragile. In fact, they are often remarkably capable, resilient and resourceful. The term refers to the experience of feeling “looked through”, as though they are invisible because so much of their parents’ time, energy and emotional resources are understandably devoted to caring for a sibling with complex needs.

Parents of neurodivergent or disabled children often find themselves juggling appointments, therapies, school meetings, navigating complex systems and managing chronic stress. In this context, siblings may quietly learn to suppress their own needs in an effort not to add to the family’s already heavy load.

Growing up too quickly:

Many glass children appear mature beyond their years. They may become highly independent, avoid asking for help and learn to cope with life’s challenges on their own.

Some also take on responsibilities that are beyond what would typically be expected for their age. This might involve helping care for younger siblings, supervising a brother or sister, or providing emotional support to overwhelmed parents. When children consistently take on these adult responsibilities, they can become what psychologists describe as parentified.

Although these adaptations can make children appear resilient, they often come at a cost. As adults, some former glass children report struggling with anxiety, perfectionism, people-pleasing, setting healthy boundaries and recognising their own needs. Many find it difficult to ask for support because they learned from an early age that other people’s needs came first.

Common experiences of glass children:

Although every family’s experience is different, research and lived experience suggest that many glass children share some common characteristics.

Feeling invisible. They may believe their needs are less important than those of their sibling and develop the expectation that they should always be “fine”.
High levels of maturity and hyper-independence. They often manage school, friendships and emotional challenges alone, even when they are struggling internally.
People-pleasing. They may prioritise everyone else’s wellbeing over their own and find it difficult to say no.
Some become high achievers, believing they need to excel in order not to create additional worries for their parents.
Suppressed emotions. They may hide difficult feelings to avoid adding further stress to the family.
Conflicted emotions and guilt. They may feel guilty for achieving milestones or enjoying experiences that their sibling cannot, making it difficult to celebrate their own successes without mixed feelings.

Alongside these emotional experiences, siblings may also face everyday challenges that others rarely notice. Family plans may be cancelled at short notice due to a sibling’s needs. Holidays, birthdays or outings may revolve around what is manageable for the disabled child. Routines can be unpredictable, and siblings may find themselves repeatedly adapting their own expectations. While these disruptions may seem minor in isolation, over time they can contribute to feelings that their own needs and wishes are less important.

Signs a sibling may be struggling:

A child who isn’t causing problems isn’t necessarily coping well. Signs that a sibling may be finding things difficult include:

They stop talking about their own interests, achievements or worries.
They rarely ask for help, even when they clearly need it.
They withdraw from friendships or activities they previously enjoyed.
They appear distracted or begin struggling at school.
They become unusually irritable, withdrawn or begin engaging in risk-taking behaviours.
They seem uncomfortable receiving praise or being the centre of attention.
They express resentment or frustration but quickly apologise or minimise their feelings.
They describe family life almost entirely through the experiences of their sibling, rarely mentioning themselves.

If these experiences remain unrecognised over many years, some siblings may become more vulnerable to anxiety, depression, low self-esteem or trauma-related difficulties later in adolescence or adulthood.

Supporting your glass child:

Supporting siblings does not mean eliminating the challenges your family faces. Rather, it means helping them feel seen, heard and valued.

Some ways parents can support their child include:

Be honest and open. Acknowledge the difficulties your family is facing and recognise the impact these may have on siblings. Saying something like, “I wish I could spend more one-to-one time with you, and I know it’s hard when I can’t,” can be incredibly validating.
Don’t mistake independence for wellbeing. A child who appears competent may still be struggling. It’s also worth remembering that some siblings have their own neurodivergence or additional needs that may go unnoticed because the family’s attention is focused elsewhere.
Prioritise one-to-one time. Even brief periods of uninterrupted attention can help children feel important. Follow their interests, ask about their experiences and listen without rushing to solve problems.
Protect them from adult responsibilities. Be mindful of ways siblings may unintentionally take on caregiving or emotional support roles that are not appropriate for their age, and reduce these wherever possible.
Advocate for all of your children. If your child is struggling, consider professional support. Therapy can provide a safe, non-judgemental space to process difficult emotions with someone outside the family.
Explore sibling support groups. Meeting other children with similar experiences can reduce feelings of isolation and help children realise they are not alone.
Accept help when you need it. Caring for a disabled child can be emotionally and physically demanding. Leaning on family, friends or professional support can reduce parental burnout and create more opportunities to be emotionally present with all of your children.
Encourage their own identity. Help your child develop interests, friendships and goals outside their role within the family. They deserve opportunities to simply be themselves.

Every sibling’s experience is different, and many describe growing up alongside a neurodivergent or disabled brother or sister as something that has also taught them empathy, resilience and compassion. Recognising the challenges they face does not diminish the love they have for their sibling. Instead, it reminds us that every child in the family deserves to feel seen, supported and heard.

Author: Agnes Ban

Child and Adolescent Psychotherapist MA, PGDip, MBACP, UKCP

The post Siblings of Neurodivergent Children: The Often-Overlooked Family Member appeared first on TRC | London | Midlands | Edinburgh | Riyadh.

Self-Soothing Grounding Techniques For Anxiety

Magdalena García — Mon, 20 Jul 2026 11:21:29 +0000

Grounding techniques aim to bring you back to the present moment. They help distract your mind from negative and challenging emotions, as well as unwanted experiences, so you can refocus on what is happening here and now.

They can help manage anxiety by turning your attention away from distressing thoughts, worries, and memories, and redirecting it to the present.

Grounding techniques can be physical, where you use your five senses or tangible objects to reconnect with your body or environment, or mental, where you use cognitive distractions to shift your thoughts away from distress and reconnect with the present. Some techniques combine both approaches.

Self-soothing grounding techniques focus on comfort, calm, and emotional safety. While mental and physical grounding techniques help reconnect you with the present moment, self-soothing techniques aim to calm the nervous system and create a sense of reassurance.

Here, we’ll explore a few self-soothing grounding techniques to help you feel calmer, safer, and more connected to the present moment.

Peaceful Place (Safe Space Visualisation)

This technique is often used to help create a sense of calm and safety.

Think of a specific place in your mind that feels safe, calm, or comforting. This could be real or imagined. It might be your bedroom, a beach, a forest, a childhood home, or somewhere entirely made up.

The goal is to mentally create a space where you feel grounded, safe, and at ease.

Try to make the image as detailed as possible:

What can you see around you?
What does the space look like?
What colours do you see?
Is it bright, warm, or dim and quiet?
What sounds can you hear
Is there a breeze, music, silence, or nature sounds
What does the air feel like?
Is there a temperature or texture you notice?

You can also add sensory comfort:

Imagine sitting or lying down there
Notice how your body feels in that space
Add objects that make you feel safe or calm

Some people also imagine a safe person, guide, or comforting presence in this space, or repeat a calming phrase like “I am safe here” or “I am okay in this moment.”

You can return to this place whenever you need to feel grounded.

Listen to Music

Play music that helps you feel calm, safe, or comforted.

Focus on the lyrics, melody, rhythm, or instruments. Notice how the music makes your body feel and whether your breathing or emotions begin to shift.

You can create playlists for different moods or emotional needs, such as:

Calming songs
Comforting songs
Uplifting music
Sleep playlists
Grounding playlists.

You can even give them fun names!

Wrap Yourself in a Blanket

Wrap yourself in a soft blanket, hoodie, or comfortable clothing.

Notice the warmth, texture, and weight against your body. Focus on the feeling of comfort and security it provides.

Weighted blankets may also help some people feel calmer and more grounded.

Hold a Comfort Object

Choose an object that brings you comfort or familiarity.

This could be:

A stuffed toy or a teddy
A smooth stone
Jewellery
A blanket
A photo
Or any meaningful item.

Hold the object and focus on its texture, temperature, shape, and the emotions or memories connected to it.

Use Calming Scents

Certain scents can help create feelings of calm and safety.

You might use:

Candles
Essential oils
Perfume
Flowers
Coffee
Or freshly washed clothes.

Focus on the scent and notice any emotions, memories, or physical sensations that come with it.

Drink Something Warm

Make yourself a warm drink, such as tea, hot chocolate, or coffee.

Hold the mug in your hands and notice the warmth. Pay attention to the smell, taste, and sensation of each sip.

Allow yourself to slow down and focus only on the experience of drinking.

Take a Warm Shower or Bath

Notice the sensation of warm water on your skin.

Focus on:

The temperature
The sound of the water
The steam
How your muscles feel as they begin to relax.

Try to stay present with the physical sensations rather than anxious thoughts.

Stroke or Spend Time with an Animal

If you have a pet, spend a few moments stroking or sitting with them.

Notice:

The texture of their fur
Their warmth
Their breathing
Or the sounds they make

Animals can provide comfort, connection, and a calming presence during anxiety.

Self-Compassion and Reassurance

Speak to yourself gently and kindly, as you would to a friend.

You can try saying:

“I am safe right now.”
“This feeling will pass.”
“I can get through this.”
“I am doing my best.”

Repeat phrases that feel comforting and reassuring to you.

Create a Comfort Routine

Build a small routine that helps you feel calm and safe during stressful moments.

This might include:

Lighting a candle
Making tea
Listening to calming music
Stretching
Journalling
Sitting in a peaceful space.

Repeating familiar, comforting actions can help signal safety to your nervous system.

Author: Magdalena García

Clinical Psychologist and Psychotherapist

The post Self-Soothing Grounding Techniques For Anxiety appeared first on TRC | London | Midlands | Edinburgh | Riyadh.

How can you support your child or teen experiencing autistic burnout?

Agnes Ban — Thu, 11 Jun 2026 09:25:48 +0000

Many autistic children and teenagers spend a great deal of energy navigating a world that hasn’t been designed for them: unclear and unpredictable social expectations, sensory overwhelm, and exhaustion from constant masking (camouflaging autistic traits to fit in or avoid negative treatment). Many children and adolescents, especially those without a formal diagnosis, also lack the understanding and language to make sense of their struggles, leading to further feelings of exclusion, isolation and self-blame. Over time, this can lead to autistic burnout: a state of deep emotional, physical and mental exhaustion.

Recognising the signs of burnout:

Autistic burnout can sometimes build gradually over time, particularly when young people are managing ongoing demands at school, socially or within busy environments.

Some common signs may include:

increased exhaustion or needing more rest
withdrawing from social situations
heightened sensory sensitivities
finding it harder to complete everyday tasks
increased anxiety
more frequent shutdowns or meltdowns
loss of confidence or motivation
increased demand avoidance
regression in some skills
reduced ability to manage tasks that previously felt manageable

Every autistic young person experiences burnout differently, and signs may fluctuate from day to day.

As a parent, you may feel increasingly anxious, frustrated or overwhelmed as you try to navigate your child’s heightened difficulties while desperately trying to meet your family, the school and wider society’s expectations. Many parents end up feeling lonely, misunderstood and isolated. Instead of support, they are met with judgement or well-meaning advice that promotes traditional parenting approaches, ignoring the unique challenges your child and family are facing. Over time, you may feel as if both you and your child are ‘failing’ or that you should just be trying harder. It can feel especially confusing if you were conditioned in your own childhood to dismiss your distress and just ‘push through’ at any cost.

However, when your child reaches this stage of physical and mental exhaustion, it is pivotal to recognise all the unmet needs that may not have been visible until this point, and to acknowledge how they have been doing their absolute best to cope with prolonged, high levels of stress for a long time without enough opportunity to rest, recover, or feel fully safe being themselves. They deserve space and time to rest and heal.

Reduce pressure and expectations:

The first step when supporting your child or teenager experiencing burnout is to reduce unnecessary pressure and expectations and allow them to rest as much as possible. This may involve:

simplifying routines
allowing additional downtime after school
reducing social commitments
offering flexibility or the option to opt out of extracurricular activities, homework or chores on days when they have no capacity
advocating for your child’s increased need for support and understanding with school staff and other family members

Some autistic children and young people may reach a point of physical, emotional and mental exhaustion at which they are no longer able to attend school, especially if the school environment is unsupportive and the necessary accommodations are not in place. This can significantly increase the pressure on parents who now have to juggle work commitments alongside caring for their child.

It’s important to remember that this situation is not permanent, and your child will be able to engage with life again if they are given the space and time to recover and once their capacity has returned. However, expecting your child to return to their previous overstretched, high-masking lifestyle may not be realistic and can also lead to serious mental health struggles later in life. Ensuring that their difficulties are acknowledged, that they feel supported, and that they have access to reasonable accommodations is fundamental to enabling them to engage with learning and social activities in a way that is safe and sustainable.

Prioritise rest and regulation

Rest looks different for everyone. For autistic young people, recovery may involve engaging in activities that help regulate their nervous system and create a sense of safety.

This might include:

spending time in quiet or low-demand environments
engaging in special interests
using sensory supports or comfort items
listening to music
repetitive movement or stimming
spending time alone to decompress

Some autistic children and teenagers might need their ‘safe person’ to be within reach at all times. This may appear from the outside to be separation anxiety, but in reality the child or young person is instinctively trying to regulate their overwhelmed nervous system by co-regulating with their caregiver – the most effective form of emotional regulation used by all mammals. As the child’s nervous system gradually returns to a sense of safety and the anxiety reduces, the need for the constant presence of a co-regulating caregiver will also lessen.

Support sensory needs

Sensory overwhelm can become much more intense during periods of burnout. Busy environments, loud noises, bright lights or uncomfortable textures may feel increasingly difficult to manage.

Small adjustments at home or school can sometimes help reduce stress, such as:

creating quieter spaces
reducing background noise
planning recovery time after busy activities
preparing for transitions or changes in advance
supporting access to sensory aids if helpful
adjusting clothing to accommodate sensory needs

Remember that recovery takes time

Burnout recovery is rarely quick or linear. Some days may feel easier than others, and progress can fluctuate over time. Providing your consistent presence, safety, and connection without pressure or expectations is the most helpful support you can offer your child during this difficult time.

Supporting yourself as a parent or carer

Supporting a child through autistic burnout can be deeply emotionally demanding for parents and carers. Many parents find themselves balancing advocacy, school communication, family responsibilities, and worries about their child’s well-being.

It can feel like there is no space or time for self-care; however, taking care of your own needs during this time is just as important as being there for your child. If you are overstretched, constantly exhausted, and emotionally overwhelmed, you may find it harder to offer the calm, safety, and often much-needed co-regulation your child needs. Therefore, prioritising self-care, which might include rest, relaxing activities, or reaching out for support as a parent, is paramount during this time and may need to take priority over other aspects of life for a while.

Author: Agnes Ban

Child and Adolescent Psychotherapist MA, PGDip, MBACP, UKCP

The post How can you support your child or teen experiencing autistic burnout? appeared first on TRC | London | Midlands | Edinburgh | Riyadh.

So… You’ve Been Diagnosed With ADHD. Now What?

Julia Ahrell — Wed, 08 Oct 2025 08:47:10 +0000

So... You’ve Been Diagnosed With ADHD. Now What?

Getting a diagnosis of ADHD can bring up all sorts of feelings — relief, clarity, confusion, or overwhelm. For some, having a name for the challenges they’ve faced is empowering. For others, it can feel like a heavy label. However it lands with you, it’s okay.

You might be wondering what comes next. Do you tell your boss? Your school? Friends? Should you try medication? How do you find support? These are big questions, and there’s no one-size-fits-all answer — but here are a few things to consider.

Sharing (or not sharing) your diagnosis

There’s no rule saying you have to disclose your diagnosis to anyone — not your workplace, not your school. But sometimes, sharing can help unlock useful support. At school, that might look like extra time in exams, access to a laptop, or even just sitting in a spot in the classroom that suits you better. At work, it might mean things like using noise-cancelling headphones, adjusting your desk location, or blocking out focus time in your calendar.

And if you’re not ready to share? You can still ask for adjustments — just frame them around productivity or focus, rather than diagnosis. It’s all about creating a setup where you can thrive.

Thinking about medication

Medication is a personal choice. Some people find that strategies and support are enough. Others feel that medication gives them the clarity or calm they’ve been missing. If you’re curious, a chat with your psychiatrist is a good place to start.

It can take a few months to find the right dose and type (slow release, quick release — or both), and that period might come with side effects like jitters, appetite changes, or trouble sleeping. It’s not always talked about, but it’s common — and usually temporary. Once things settle, many ADHDers find that medication helps manage things like hyperactivity, overwhelm, or anxious overthinking.

Finding your people

After a diagnosis, you might start noticing neurodivergent traits in others — family, friends, even co-workers. That awareness is totally normal. Many people find it helpful to connect with others who get it — whether that’s online groups, local meetups, talking therapy, or just a good chat with someone who understands.

A certified ADHD or neurodivergent coach can be especially helpful if you’re navigating big life changes or want support planning ahead.

Everyone’s ADHD journey looks different. There’s no perfect next step, just the one that feels right for you. This isn’t about fixing anything — it’s about understanding yourself better and choosing the tools that help you thrive.

Author: Julia Ahrell

Neurodiversity Coach

The post So… You’ve Been Diagnosed With ADHD. Now What? appeared first on TRC | London | Midlands | Edinburgh | Riyadh.

Starting Therapy: A Gentle Guide for anyone feeling Unsure

Paige Wilson — Thu, 28 Aug 2025 14:46:50 +0000

“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.” — C.G. Jung

Starting therapy can feel daunting. I often tell clients that the first step is the hardest, and even reading this blog is a step in the right direction. Here we’ll explore common worries that arise when starting therapy, and name some of the stumbling blocks and teething issues that many people encounter early on in their therapeutic journey.

But first, let’s unpack a question that seems simple, but often isn’t:

1). What is therapy?

If you asked 100 therapists to define therapy, you’d likely get 100 different answers. Just as no two clients are the same, every therapist brings their own perspective to the work. I’m a relational integrative therapist, which means I believe the relationship between client and therapist is the vehicle for acceptance and change.

I draw on a range of approaches, from psychoanalysis to cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), and adapt each session to the individual I’m working with. But at its core, therapy is a safe, confidential space where you feel heard and supported. It’s a space where you can explore, understand, and make meaningful changes to your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours.

You don’t have to be in crisis to start therapy. Many people begin because something just feels ‘off’ or stuck. Therapy isn’t just for emergencies; it’s for anyone, at any point in life.

2). What are the limitations of therapy?

It’s important to have realistic expectations when beginning therapy. Sometimes, people hope therapy will offer quick fixes, advice, or solutions; but that’s not how it works.

Therapists aren’t here to tell you what to do, and we won’t give prescriptive advice. Therapy is a collaborative process, and change takes time. A few sessions won’t solve everything, and any therapist who claims they can fix you instantly probably isn’t working ethically.

Therapists also work within strict ethical frameworks. If your therapist frequently cancels, overshares about their own life, or seems distracted during sessions, those may be signs of blurred boundaries. You deserve to feel respected and held in the work.

Therapists don’t have all the answers, and one of my favourite quotes on this comes from Gestalt therapist Fritz Perls: “If I had the answer, I would give it to you. But I don’t have the answer, and you don’t either. That’s why we’re here together.”

3). Finding the right therapist for you.

The relationship between therapist and client is one of the most important predictors of therapeutic success and so it’s vital to find someone you feel comfortable with.

Start by thinking about the kinds of people you tend to feel most at ease with. Do you find it easier to talk to men or women? Do you connect more with people close to your age, or do you open up more with those who are older or younger?

Much like any relationship, when you find the right therapist, there’s often a sense of ‘clicking.’ That said, it might take a few tries before if feels like the right fit, and that’s perfectly normal. Whenever I meet with a new client, I encourage them to reflect not just on what we talked about, but how they felt in the room with me.

You don’t need to feel totally vulnerable right away, but if something feels persistently ‘off,’ it’s okay to explore other options. There are many types of therapy and therapists out there, and you deserve to find someone who fits.

4). I’ve found a therapist I am comfortable with. Now what?

You’ve done something courageous: you reached out for help and found someone you’re comfortable with. Now it’s time for the first session.

This can feel strange. After all, how often do we sit in a room with someone we don’t know and speak openly about our deepest vulnerabilities, especially while they say little about themselves in return?

The first couple of sessions are usually exploratory. Your therapist may ask about your upbringing, key relationships, or life experiences. Even if you’ve come with a specific issue like social anxiety, they’ll want to get to know the whole picture of you, not just the problem.

You don’t need to arrive with a list. Just show up, as you are. Your therapist will meet you there.

5). Remember, it’s your therapy session.

Therapy works best when you feel safe. If your therapist asks something you’re not ready to answer, it’s okay to say so. There’s no pressure to share everything all at once.

Some topics can feel too raw, especially early on. Until a foundation of trust is built, you might want to take things slowly, and that’s not just okay, it’s healthy. If you feel overwhelmed, let your therapist know. They’ll respect your boundaries and adjust the pace accordingly.

6). Dealing with the emotional aftermath.

Many people feel an emotional ‘hangover’ after their first few sessions. Sometimes, talking about difficult relationships or long-buried emotions can feel like a betrayal, particularly if you’re not used to being this open.

That’s a common and very human response. Therapy is confidential, and the more you can bring of yourself, the more you’re likely to get from it.

If you leave a session feeling especially raw or unsettled, let your therapist know. These reactions are rich with meaning and can offer important insight into your process. Therapy often stirs things up before they settle. You may even catch yourself wondering, “Why did I sign up for this?”

Know that you’re not alone, and most people (including your therapist!) have probably felt that way at some point.

Final thoughts

Every qualified therapist in the UK has gone through personal therapy during their training. We’ve sat in the exact position you’re in now; uncertain, vulnerable, maybe even a little resistant. We know how brave it is to start.

If you’ve made it to the end of this blog, well done! You’ve already taken a meaningful step towards prioritising your wellbeing.

If you still have questions, we’re here to help. Our team at TRC is always happy to talk through any concerns you might have about starting therapy.

When it comes to therapy, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Whenever you’re ready, we’ll be here.

References:

Jung, C.G., 1958. The Undiscovered Self. London: Routledge.

Perls, F.S., Hefferline, R.F. and Goodman, P., 1951. Gestalt Therapy: Excitement and Growth in the Human Personality. New York: Julian Press.

Author: Paige Wilson

Psychotherapist

The post Starting Therapy: A Gentle Guide for anyone feeling Unsure appeared first on TRC | London | Midlands | Edinburgh | Riyadh.

Finding the Next Steps: What If My Exam Results Weren’t What I Expected?

Sarah Childs — Mon, 11 Aug 2025 16:38:13 +0000

When you open your exam results, whether GCSEs or A-Levels, there’s often a sense of expectation hanging in the air. You might have pictured a particular number, a letter, a plan unfolding. And when the reality doesn’t match what you imagined, it can feel disorienting, disappointing, and even frightening.

As a counselling psychologist who works with young people, I want to say this clearly: your results do not define you. They never could. If things haven’t gone the way you hoped, this doesn’t mean you can’t accomplish your dreams – it’s just a turning point. Below are some steps to help you navigate unexpected exam results:

Allow yourself to feel whatever comes up

It’s normal to feel shock, sadness, anger, embarrassment, or a mix of emotions, when results don’t meet your expectations. Sometimes there’s also guilt or fear about disappointing others. Take a breath. None of these feelings make you weak or dramatic. They are normal and just make you human.

Try not to rush past them. Give yourself time to feel and reflect. Talk to someone you trust, whether that’s a friend, parent, teacher, or school counsellor.

What went wrong – if anything?

This isn’t about blame, but about understanding. Was it exam stress? A difficult year? A subject you never clicked with? Sometimes, unexpected results are less about effort and more about a mismatch between your strengths and the assessment format.

This is a chance to learn about yourself. Academic success is only one kind of intelligence. You might thrive in more practical, creative, or interpersonal areas, which exams often fail to capture.

Redefine what success means to you

Success isn’t linear. It’s easy to believe that a specific grade or university is the only way forward, but life doesn’t work like that. Many people take alternative routes and end up, not only where they hoped to be, but somewhere even better.

Maybe this moment is inviting you to be honest about what you actually want and not just what you thought you should want.

Explore your options

Here’s the good news: there are always options.

Didn’t get the GCSEs you needed? You can re-sit certain subjects, take alternative qualifications, or explore vocational pathways.
Didn’t get into your first-choice sixth form or college? Other schools, colleges, or apprenticeships might suit you better than you think.
A-Level results not what you needed for uni? Clearing might lead to a surprising new course, or you could take a year to work, travel, or reapply with fresh experience and perspective.

Talk to your school’s careers advisor or use trusted services like the National Careers Service or UCAS for support.

This is not who you are – it’s just something that happened

It’s easy to internalise results as a reflection of your worth. But one number or grade says nothing about your courage, creativity, kindness, or potential.

So if you’re feeling stuck, try asking: what do I value? What kind of life do I want to build? This isn’t just about a career, it’s about your wellbeing, your growth, your relationships – the bigger picture.

Reach out – don’t hold it alone

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, talking to a professional can help. Counsellors and psychologists are trained to support people through moments like this where life feels uncertain, and it’s hard to know where to go next.

It’s okay to need support. You don’t have to have all the answers. You just need space to think, feel, and take it one step at a time.

A final thought:

Your path might be different from the one you imagined but that doesn’t make it wrong. Sometimes the most meaningful journeys begin in moments of uncertainty. Trust that you’ll find your way. Remember: you are so much more than your results.

Author: Dr Sarah Childs

Chartered Counselling Psychologist

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Exam Result Worries: Coping With the Wait and What to Do Next

Magdalena García — Mon, 04 Aug 2025 09:20:39 +0000

Waiting for your A-level or GCSE results can be incredibly stressful. There’s pressure from all sides — social media, school, teachers, family — and often, from ourselves. You may have already made plans based on predicted grades, and ambitions for next year may feel like they hang in the balance.

So how do we manage the emotional ups and downs of waiting? What if results don’t turn out as expected? And how can parents and carers offer the right support?

Coping With The Wait:

1. Talk and listen

Bottling things up doesn’t help. Whether you’re a young person or someone supporting them, open, honest conversations make a huge difference.

It’s tempting to say, “Don’t worry! Everything will be fine” — but this can unintentionally dismiss how someone is really feeling. Instead, try naming the emotions: anxiety, fear of failure, uncertainty about the future. These feelings are completely normal (and expected when you’re waiting on results!).

By acknowledging them, we help ourselves and others feel seen and understood — creating space for reassurance, resilience, and self-belief.

2. Plan Healthy Distractions

When you’re waiting for something important, time can move painfully slowly. A good distraction doesn’t mean ignoring the issue — it simply gives the mind a break from overthinking.

Here are some helpful ideas:

Go for walks or explore a new area
Have a games night, film marathon or takeaway evening
Meet friends for a meal, or invite them over
Try something creative — baking, journalling, crafts
Start a new book, podcast or series

Even small changes in environment can lift your mood. Just remember: everyone copes differently. Some people need quiet, others prefer company — both are okay.

3. Prepare for different outcomes

Sometimes exams don’t go to plan — and that’s okay. It doesn’t mean you’ve failed, and it doesn’t mean your future is ruined.

Doing a bit of research ahead of results day can help reduce anxiety:

Know how and when to collect your results
Understand the process for appeals or resits
Look into alternatives: college, apprenticeships, gap years, vocational training
Reach out to a teacher, careers adviser, or UCAS for guidance

Having a Plan B doesn’t mean you’re giving up on Plan A — it means you’re prepared, whatever happens.

4. Parents and carers: reassure and be present

If you’re supporting a young person, remind them regularly that exam results do not define their worth — and they don’t define your pride in them either.

That pressure to “not let anyone down” can feel overwhelming. Reassurance from a trusted adult helps to lift that burden.

And if they’re not ready to talk? Respect that — but make sure they know you’re there when they are.

It might seem obvious, but sometimes young people really do need to hear it again: they are loved and valued for who they are, not what they achieve.

On Results Day:

1. Don’t be alone

Whether you’re feeling hopeful or nervous, it helps to have someone by your side — someone who can offer comfort, perspective, or celebration.

2. Set your own boundaries

There’s often pressure to open results in front of others or post them online. But you don’t have to share anything you’re not ready to. Take your time. It’s your news.

3. Avoid comparisons

Social media can make it feel like everyone else is doing better. But other people’s success doesn’t take away from your own.

If scrolling doesn’t help, take a break — protect your peace.

If the Results Aren’t What You Expected:

When results day finally arrives, emotions can run high. If things don’t go to plan, it’s easy to feel like everything’s falling apart. But this is where reassurance, perspective, and practical steps really help.

1. Give yourself time to process

Disappointment is completely valid. Give emotions time to settle before rushing into next steps.

Whether that’s talking, walking, crying, or just sitting quietly — honour the time needed to process.

2. Explore the options

There are always other ways forward — even if Plan A doesn’t work out:

Appeals or resits
University clearing or alternative course choices
Apprenticeships and vocational routes
Taking a gap year to reassess or gain experience

Talk to teachers, advisers, or helplines. You haven’t hit a dead end — just a different route.

3. Focus on strengths, not just grades

Results show how someone performed on specific days — not who they are. They don’t reflect your values, your growth, or your potential. They don’t define you.

Resilience, kindness, creativity, curiosity — none of those fit on a results slip.

Remind yourself (or the young person you’re supporting) of everything else that makes them unique and valuable. Help them remember their strengths, their progress, and the qualities they have that no grade can capture.

We are all more important than tha grades we achieve.

Final Thoughts:

This time of year can feel overwhelming. There’s pressure, fear and uncertainty — but also hope, growth and new beginnings.

Whether your results are what you hoped for or not, the most important thing is this:

You are not defined by grades.
You are not alone.
There is always a way forward — even if the path looks different from what you imagined.

Author: Magdalena García

Clinical Psychologist and Psychotherapist

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Boredom & Mental Health: Why Unstructured Time is Both Good & Challenging

Valentina Sartore — Mon, 28 Jul 2025 14:12:41 +0000

It is safe to say that our lives have become very structured, from calendars and routines being filled quickly with work, school or life demands, to ‘downtime’ being scheduled and feeling like another chore. We often force ourselves to constantly be productive, and are encouraged to turn hobbies into money-making activities. We also tolerate silence and boredom less – filling gaps with music, podcasts, scrolling on social media, to the point where we are constantly multi-tasking, placing extra demands on our brains. In short, it seems that we might be struggling to tolerate boredom.

Boredom is often viewed as an unpleasant state of being. Some research supports an impact of boredom on mental health, for instance by suggesting a correlation between long-term or frequent boredom with risk-taking behaviours, substance use, and low mood (Ndetei et al., 2023). When working with young clients in particular, we often have discussions around using time mindfully, for instance planning activities they enjoy, engaging with their social circles, using meaningful distraction as a coping strategy to re-direct their attention from confronting internal experiences (unpleasant feelings, overthinking, rumination) when they become spiralling cycles.

Wanting to escape these spirals, feeling the pressure to always be productive, or finding it challenging to ‘sit in silence’, are all reasons why someone might go to great lengths to escape boredom.

However, it is worth remembering that unstructured time can be beneficial for our mental health, especially in a life that feels constantly busy and often overwhelmingly demanding.

Firstly, unstructured time that is free of demands or to-do lists disguised as self-care, is a crucial time for our brains and bodies to rest. When we are constantly multitasking and scheduling things and activities to the minute, downtime becomes another time in which we feel the pressure to be productive or to always be “doing”.

Unstructured time can be especially important for neurodivergent individuals who might find it extra difficult to manage busy and structured day-to-day lives. Having some time each day that is truly free of demands, even subtle ones, can be deeply regulating. Without the pressure to “perform” or meet expectations, they may find more space to follow their own rhythms, tune in to what they need, and engage with the world in ways that feel natural and safe. This kind of demand-free time isn’t lazy or unproductive – it’s a vital form of decompression.

Research from the Covid-19 pandemic in particular, also supports a positive role of boredom in encouraging people to engage their creativity, seek new activities and explore new ideas and perspectives.

Furthermore, reframing our beliefs about boredom might impact how it is experienced; specifically, a recent study (Tam et al., 2022) explored the effect of boredom beliefs on the boredom-mental wellbeing link in young people and found that those who most severely disliked the feeling of boredom, actually experienced it more frequently and intensely, with a stronger association to poorer mental wellbeing. On the other hand, those who relatively accepted and normalised boredom, reported better mental wellbeing.

It is also worth noting that we often talk about avoidance as a coping strategy that, whilst helpful in the short-term to deal with difficult feelings and thoughts, it is actually quite detrimental in the long-term as it doesn’t allow us to process these experiences. Sometimes, boredom can allow us to sit with these difficult feelings, so we can learn to tolerate them and build up resilience to handle discomfort – a key skill for better mental health and wellbeing.

Overall, it is worth keeping in mind that boredom is not all good or all bad, and whilst consistently feeling bored might be a sign that something in the way we experience life might need to be changed, boredom can also be reframed as a positive, helpful state of being that allows us to rest, recharge, or engage with something different than our usual day-to-day.

Author: Valentina Sartore

Psychotherapist

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Rest: The Reboot We Forget We Need

Sarah Childs — Fri, 18 Jul 2025 14:45:54 +0000

As a counselling psychologist, I’ve noticed a theme that often emerges around this time of year. By July, many of us have been running on autopilot, driven by deadlines, social obligations, and the unrelenting pace of modern life. Even when summer arrives, with its promise of longer days and warmer evenings, there’s a tendency to fill the space with more – more plans, more travel, more pressure to “make the most of it.”

How about if we approached July differently? It’s a month that, if we allow it, can teach us about the quiet, restorative power of rest.

Rest isn’t laziness. It’s not giving up. It’s a conscious act of self-care. Our minds and bodies were never designed to be in constant productivity mode. Just as nature follows cycles, we too need rhythm in our lives. Rest helps us recalibrate, process, and ultimately grow stronger.

In therapy, I often speak with clients who feel guilty when they’re not being “useful.” We explore how they have been so conditioned to measure their worth by what they produce or achieve that taking a break feels indulgent or even wrong. But what I remind them, and myself, is that rest is not a reward we have to earn. It’s a basic human need. Without it, we risk burnout, resentment, and disconnection from ourselves.

July can be an antidote to that. It’s a natural time to slow things down, and when you do you might notice that rest brings a quiet clarity. Problems that seemed overwhelming begin to feel more manageable. Creativity starts to flow again. Relationships feel easier when we’re not running on empty. In rest, we remember that we are human beings, not human doings.

So this July, I invite you to lean into rest. Not as something to “achieve,” but as something to experience. Cancel a plan if you need to. Read a book just for the joy of it. Sit in the sun with no agenda. Allow yourself to simply be.

Author: Sarah Childs

Chartered Counselling Psychologist

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