There is a place beyond the intensity of being in recovery.
When we are at the beginning, or midst of recovery it can all seem so blooming well consuming.
Because it is.
For a while, it might seem like that’s all you can think about. It might feel like choosing recovery is there ALL. THE. TIME!
Which might mean that often it feels like it’s easier to go back to what you know – even though you also hate it there.
Recovering from an eating disorder, in whatever way that has manifested, most likely means going against the grain of some of society’s messages.
Which makes it even more exhausting!
It might mean blocking out some of the opinions and beliefs around you. It might sometimes mean that others think things have regressed, whereas you know you’re making decisions that are recovery focused.
Recovery can some days require a laser-like focus on your wish to have a more fulfilling life that doesn’t include an eating disorder. When life around tries to pull you elsewhere, it can mean choosing you – again and again and again.
However, one day at a time leads you to a place where you are eventually able to look back and see how far you have come. A day after a day after a day leads to more experience and skill at making choices that take you out of the eating disorder. These choices become easier. You see the path ahead clearer.
You can stop for a breath, without feeling like you’ll fall.
And then one day the shame that consumed you, will quieten and reveal pride.
You will see all that you once bore, and the courage that you showed by choosing ‘no more’.
And one day the strength of your recovery will knit deep within your bones.
Someone recently told me that they didn’t want to admit to being in recovery for fear of making others uncomfortable.
It makes me sad that others might feel uncomfortable in the presence of such strength and courage.
I’m proud of you.